Never A Memory
by Laylah
Summary: Post AC Kadaj ficlet.Kadaj, having survived, is taken captive by the Turks who wish nothing more than to hasten his death.But there are others who believe he can be redeemed...R&R if you so wish.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A post AC Kadaj ficcy that came to me while I was listening to Apocalyptica. I think this story will have just about anything except humour ****(also not sure if there will be any romantic pairing at all at this stage) ****, mostly centred on Kadaj trying to fit in and learn to accept his own true identity rather than brooding over being a puppet and living in the shadow of the one that created him. Basically it's just a young man's journey into redemption and awakening to his own potential. Reviews would be most welcome. Please enjoy.**

**NEVER A MEMORY**

"**This is the place where I made my best mistakes**

**This is the place even angels don't understand."**

**Elvis Costello "Our Little Angel"**

_We need mother's power…_

_Him…He's coming back…_

…

_We All go together…_

…

_I will... never be a memory!_

Pain dragged him from the nightmare-infused depths of a void he had been cast into somehow. Pain devoured the light in his eye, and it kept him alive. His mind refused to switch off, trying to hold onto an existence torn asunder by wounds no ordinary mortal could endure.

Ghostly pale lashes fluttered open, revealing green-blue irises blearily regarding the unfamiliar surroundings he was confined to.

Alongside the high-tech computer and medical equipment were a spotless, chrome sink and shining chrome shelves lined with medical supplies, glassware, and surgical instruments. The greenish fluorescent light overhead flooded the laboratory and glared in Kadaj's sensitized eyes and made him slightly nauseated.

Every tendon and bone in his body ached as he feebly pulled against the leather straps that firmly bound the youth to the surgical table. His naked form was strapped to an operating table of sorts, with only a thin, starched white sheet covering his slim hips for some measure of modesty. Monitoring electrodes were attached to his bare chest, his pale arms and wrists.

His fingers numb from lack of use, clenched and unclenched slowly, teeth grinding at the unexpected, sharp flicker of pain. Every shallow breath seemed to sear his lungs. Kadaj moaned quietly, trying to make some sense of his horrid predicament. Wearily, he stared at the white-washed ceiling silently, inhaling the faint bleach and disinfectant smell that pervaded the room.

The diaphanous veil of memories lifted slowly, revealing disturbing visions of the events that had led him here. Blurred images and muffled voices flooded his consciousness, as Kadaj remembered…Defeat at the hands of Cloud, the gentle sprig of rain that soothed and stung his flesh at the same time, the soft female voice that beckoned him, promising sweet, peaceful slumber…And amidst all this pandemonium he vaguely remembered being carried away by Cloud, the ice-cold fury of Sephiroth refusing to be banished into the lifestream, keeping his torn body alive, insistently lingering like a festering sore at the very core of his being, driving him to the edge of madness…

"_How is he?"_

"_Barely breathing, I don't think he'll make it sir."_

"_Don't hurt him any more than necessary…"_

…

"_Must you do this, Rufus?"_

"_He must be contained, Cloud. We can't risk a third disaster."_

"_Sephiroth is gone, and Jenova destroyed with him. Kadaj poses no threat to the Planet."_

"_Do not be so naïve Cloud. You of all people should realize as long as Kadaj lives, the threat is never really gone. As long as he lives, so does the nightmare. In fact, the only thing that's keeping him alive is the Jenova cells…"_

….

Kadaj did not dare close his eyes. He was afraid to do so, lest the nightmares returned with darkness to assault him once more. His angular features distorted into a grimace.

The ties that once bound him to Mother were severed irreparably. There was no trace of the powerful, imposing presence that once animated his being. Lifestream took its vengeance upon him and his brothers, and somehow he lived through it.

Maybe this was the ultimate punishment for his transgressions against the Planet; reducing him to this broken shell, a half-being no more than the pale ghost of the black-winged ravaging angel of Jenova. He did not care any more. He wanted death more than anything, yet why was he still alive?

"Most impressive. I suppose I should not be surprised at your amazing recovery."

Kadaj whipped his silver head toward the voice, wincing at the tiny jolt of pain that accompanied that meager little effort. Opaque green-blue eyes studied the tall, blonde man clad in his usual impeccable white suit, with open hostility, then drifted back to the blank spot at the ceiling.

"What do you want?" His voice carried no emotion.

Rufus Shinra brushed a blonde lock out of his eyes and observed the bound youth with a stoic expression. The dark blazing fire within the young man's eyes were gone, reduced to mere ashes. Lying there helpless, vulnerable like this, it was difficult to envision him as the formidable, mighty Sephiroth. Such an entity could not be easily dismissed however, Rufus mused warily. Although, what lay before him now was a parody of life, forsaken and shattered. How rapidly the tables had turned, the roles reversed.

"What I want is for you to die and take the last remnants of the nightmare with you." Rufus shrugged nonchalantly, his voice bearing no malice or anger, simply stating a fact. "But it's not up to me to decide."

Kadaj flinched without meaning to. Impotent anger and frustration burned hot within him, scorching all thought and reason, and much to his shock, filling his eyes with tears that he rapidly blinked away. He'd rather die than expose himself in such an undignified manner…

"What are you going on about?" He managed to ask, trying to sound indifferent.

"What I want does not matter, Kadaj. In this case, it is what you want for yourself that will decide your fate."

"Meaning?" Kadaj sighed in resignation. He had had enough of the man's tiresome mind games.

"Someone believes you can be redeemed after all." A pause. "In fact they are here to see you. Shall I let them in, Kadaj?"

Redemption… was nothing more than a tarnished, false hope that held no meaning for him at all. He didn't need forgiveness…His only absolution would come if he joined his brothers in the lifestream… Lifestream that had already rejected him…

Kadaj wondered what it would feel like to be his own person, live a normal life, and learn to appreciate and enjoy its infinite simplicities.

As if…

He blamed the unsettling turn of his thoughts to delirium and suffering.

"Yes." He whispered despite himself. "But not like this!"

"I apologize for the inconvenience, but I can't release you just yet. I am sure you can understand."

Kadaj bit his lower lip. Clearly, the man enjoyed seeing him wretched and suffering like this. He had no choice but to swallow his pride for the moment.

"Who are they?" He asked quietly. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't keep his voice from shaking.

"You shall see for yourself soon enough." Rufus said, and headed out into the hallway, closing the door softly behind him.

Kadaj closed his eyes, and waited silently…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's the second chappie, please enjoy everyone, and thanks so much for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: Square Enix owns everything.**

"Have you gone bananas, Spikey? You're ought to kick his scrawny ass into hell! And I'm ought to kick your sorry ass for dragging me into this! Why would you wanna talk to him for anyways? He's better off dead, like that jackass Rufus said." Barret growled as Cloud started off down the hallway without a word.

There was only grave silence, and a slight shake of the blonde-spiked head.

"I think we've all had enough headache for one day, Cloud..." Tifa commented gently, walking alongside Barret and Vincent keeping up just behind them.

"It's over now." Cloud muttered, almost to himself, heading down the chrome-walled corridor toward the room where Kadaj was kept under close scrutiny.

"You keep sayin' that, but nothing' ain't over yet. Why can't you just listen to reason, man? That boy's trouble, I'm telling' you. Once a scoundrel, always a scoundrel."

Cloud ignored the badgering and kept walking.

"He's just a kid." Cloud replied stubbornly.

"He's more than that, and you know it, spiky!" The big man persisted.

"I know what you mean, Barret. But you've got nothing to worry about. Sephiroth is defeated. There is no coming back for him. Kadaj is free of his influence."

"He IS Sephiroth, dammit!" Barret sighed heavily and shook his head in disgust, turning to Tifa with a grim look. She shrugged her slender shoulders and glanced at Cloud worriedly.

Cloud paused in front of the chrome door and lowered his pensive blue gaze, his voice dropping to an unexpected softness.

"No. Please understand, Barret, it's not my decision alone. She wants him to live. She wants him to have a second chance…I know." He closed his eyes briefly.

"Whossat?" Barret glowered.

Tifa walked up to Cloud and gently placed a hand on his arm, searching his face intently.

"Aeris…" She whispered quietly.

Mako-blued eyes opened, glittering with a fierce determination. Cloud turned and faced his friends.

"Sephiroth was born tainted with Jenova cells. He never stood a chance. His madness was not his own design, but a path pre-ordained by the crazy ambitions of a demented man. This time, as Kadaj, he gets to actually choose his own path. That's why Aeris cleansed him. I heard her, Barret…I heard her as clearly as I'm hearing you now."

Barret sighed deeply and folded his muscled arms across his chest. There was no reasoning with Cloud it seemed.

"Hmpf, you've taken one too many blows to the head I reckon, that's what it is. Looks like you're gonna have your way no matter what we say." Barret grumbled.

Cloud reached for the door handle, then paused, flicking Tifa a sidelong glance.

"Are you coming?"

The last thing Tifa wanted was to go in that room, and face Kadaj again. But she knew that look Cloud just gave her, she could not deny his silent plea; he needed her support now.

"All right, let's do this and get it over with." She said, and was rewarded with a rare, warm smile. Cloud knew she would not let him down.

"What? Have you both gone crazy? This is bullshit!" Barret sputtered, and threw a pleading glance at the ex-Turk who was silent as a marble statue beside him. "Yo, Vincent! Say something, man!"

"I see little reason why I should interfere. This matter is out of our hands, Barret." Vincent replied with a cool detachment.

"Good man." Cloud nodded in approval, while Barret cursed softly. "Screw this! Screw yous all!"

"Barret, we won't be long." Tifa assured him.

"Yeah, whatever. I don't get you Cloud." Barret frowned. "You're makin' a big mistake, but go ahead, I'll be right here waitin' like the sucker I am."

"If it's any consolation, makes two of us, Barret." Vincent said impassively.

……………….

Kadaj fixed his anxious teal gaze upon the door as it opened, and then the two people who just stepped inside. He regarded them listlessly, suspiciously.

"First the president, now you two. Make it quick, would you?" Kadaj snarled softly.

Tifa leaned against the wall, silently watching, while Cloud approached the young, half-naked man strapped to the long operating table rather uncomfortably. Physically, the youth appeared to have improved remarkably, though he was still very pale, and it seemed most likely those wounds that ran the length of his slender, but powerful torso were going to scar despite the materia's healing energy. It was a wasted effort in Tifa's opinion.

"How are you feeling?" There was a gentle pitch to Cloud's voice, which only served to heighten Kadaj's unease.

"What do you want from me?" The youth asked harshly, his silver brows set in a deep scowl.

"I'm given to understand you will be able to get out of here sooner than I thought." Cloud continued, ignoring the younger man's attitude.

Kadaj looked taken aback for a second, his voice dropping to a murmur, anger fading from his eyes, replaced by faint uncertainty and sorrow.

"Then what…?"

"It's up to you, I suppose." Cloud shrugged.

"Oh, don't give me that it's up to me crap! I don't know what you're concocting but I'm not about to fall for your so-called altruism." Kadaj snarled.

Cloud patiently waited for more abuse, let him get it off his chest, he thought sagely, surprised at his own ability to keep his annoyance in check.

"Just tell me why you're doing this…why are you helping me?" Kadaj muttered instead.

"Because everyone deserves a chance in life." Cloud said firmly

"I don't need your sympathy..." Kadaj said tersely and clamped his trembling pale lips, returning his weary eyes to the ceiling, cursing himself for being so weak. His mouth was suddenly too dry, his eyelids prickling…

"I bear no grudge against you, Kadaj, no one does, as far as I'm concerned." Cloud said emphatically, recalling another time, 2 years ago in Mideel, when he had been on the verge of breaking, wracked with insecurity and self-loathing. He knew how hard it was to face your demons and he knew what it felt like to be a puppet. Even now, Cloud wondered if he would be here, where he was now, without Tifa and others' support. She had been there for him at his darkest hour. Kadaj had no one.

No-one but Cloud. He had to take this one step at a time.

"Tell you what. You can come to live with us for a while until I set you up somewhere else."

Tifa's expression darkened at this, but she kept quiet, watching the young man warily. She resented the idea of having to put up with that…remnant…in 7th Heaven, but there was no helping for it, Cloud was determined to play the knight in shining armour. How could Cloud have so much faith in Sephiroth? Why did Aeris or the Lifestream for that matter, choose to spare the likes of him?

Like Barret had said, Kadaj was essentially Sephiroth, right? She could glimpse his dark, foul essence in the similar features, and every time she looked at him, she felt her anger rise. She just couldn't bring herself to feel sorry for him, no way. Not after what Sephiroth had done to her father, and to Aeris…Let Cloud do the forgiving, Tifa thought miserably, for she could not, would not, forgive him.

As though having sensed this faint undercurrent of hostility, Kadaj grimaced, turning away, subdued. The expression on his angular face was forlorn, doubtful, afraid…Tifa had seen Cloud like this too, broken and dying slowly inside…How easier it would have been for her if Kadaj actually fought back. How easier it would be to hate him with passion…Her dark brown eyes grew turbulent with the contradicting emotions, and unseeingly she stared at Kadaj…At the regal lines of his arresting face, the softly flickering aquamarine eyes, the frown-creased silver brows, the sensually brooding curve of his mouth that would have entranced her 7 years ago…

"What do you say, Tifa?" Cloud's voice snapped her out of her brief reverie.

"Yeah, you can stay with us until you get your own place." Tifa mumbled half-heartedly, rolling her eyes at her childhood friend, not caring if Kadaj saw.

"Well, in that case, are you ready to go?" Cloud asked him with a faint smile.

Before Kadaj could answer, a booming voice protested from the doorway.

"Wait a minute! He ain't comin nowhere near Marlene!" Barret barged in, glaring at the lot.

Vincent calmly observed the drama, his arms crossed in front of his torso.

"I'll take him in." He said finally, promptly drawing relieved glances from Tifa and Barret both. Cloud looked unconvinced.

"Kadaj?"

The silver-headed youth stared at the group blankly, his mind working quickly, coming to a decision.

"Just get me out of here…"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks everyone! Im so glad you guys like the direction of this story. I've written out a long one this time, got way too excited hehe. I'm not promising any romance in this fic let alone yaoi. I am however, considering a surprise pairing toward the end. Please do not withdraw your support, and do leave me with a review if you like this chap. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Square Enix owns everything.**

Upon the President's orders, a group of medics in white lab-coats pushed past Cloud and his party, entering Kadaj's room and sealing the viewing window.

"What are they gonna do in there I wonder?" Barret inquired grumpily.

"Release him." Cloud shrugged airily.

"A pity." Barret snorted, then turned to Vincent with a grim smile.

"I feel for you, man. I've gotta say though, I'm rather glad that kid won't be botherin us no more."

"Who said he won't?" Cloud began lightheartedly, with an edgy smile. "Come on Barret, he's coming along. Everyone can change, Kadaj is no exception." He continued in amiable tones. "He has a better chance of doing that with our help."

"What's it to you, you bloody little knob!" Barret began angrily, flailing his arms furiously to the heavens. "Sometimes I just want to bash some sense into that stubborn, effing spikey head of yours! I told you that boy's not comin with us an I meant it!"

"I thought he was going with Vincent…" Tifa mumbled uneasily, frowning at Cloud.

"Imagine what Cid'll say if we show up at 7th Heaven with that silver haired creep goddamit! He'd chuck the biggest ballistic you've ever seen!"

"Cid doesn't live with us, Barret, so it's not up to him. Besides I'm sure he can be persuaded to see reason, and probably sooner than your thick-skulled self ever will!" Cloud retorted a little too harshly, regretting his impatience. He was just unable to take any of this melodrama any longer.

"That does it! I'm gonna smash him, Tifa!" Barret spluttered, but did not make a move to back his intentions.

"How could you say that, Cloud?" Tifa stepped forward, her voice rising to an irritated pitch. "All of us have sacrificed so much to kill Sephiroth in order to save the Planet, and that gives us the right to have our say on the matter thank you very much."

Vincent studied his friends, taciturn and silent as ever. Everyone seemed to be on edge lately, and with good reason. Tifa had reached the end of her tether, and could not be expected to think rationally when she was in that querulous frame of mind, it was a surprise she hadn't snapped sooner what with all that hatred for Sephiroth simmering inside her. And Cloud and Barret were just a hopeless bunch… It appeared neither men had any intention of backing down at this point, and given Barret's rash, hot-headed nature and Cloud's obstinate disposition at times like these, it troubled him to think the situation could get out of hand sooner than he feared. Despite the deep, unspoken bond of camaraderie between these two, it was not unlikely they could come to blows on occasion.

"Cloud, I will have to agree with Tifa on that point." Vincent raised a hand to silence his comrades before the argument could get worse. He spoke calmly, never once losing his steely composure. "On the other hand, you all might find having Kadaj in 7th Heaven surprisingly convenient in many ways."

"What do you mean, Vincent?" Tifa demanded hesitantly.

"I know where you're coming from, Tifa, rest assured. But if we keep Kadaj at your place and keep a close watch on him at all times, it will hardly allow him the chance to do anything foolish. Like that old saying…Keep your enemies closer… Besides, I don't think it's such a sound idea to leave him here; after all, although dormant, Kadaj still retains the Jenova cells in his body to an extent, and one could only speculate about Rufus's intentions despite what he says."

Cloud glanced at the enigmatic, crimson-caped man with a deeply grateful look.

"I suppose he can tag along this time." Tifa grudgingly agreed after a long pause, while Barret thought it over with a deep frown.

"What the hell…" Barret sighed finally, dropping his hands to his sides. "Fine! But if he ever looks at Marlene the wrong way, I swear I'll kick his lanky ass into the next century."

"Deal." Cloud said, a soft grin spreading across his lips.

…………….

Kadaj zipped up his worn black boots over his blood-spattered leather pants, then slipped into his tight-fitting black trench, also zipping it up, slowly, tracing his fingertips thoughtfully over the puckered white flesh around the long, long scars across his abdomen and chest; sword-wounds left by Cloud's avenging blade. A perpetual reminder of his transgressions against Midgar and the Planet itself…A dreadful stigmata for his sins. Kadaj felt that to be fitting somehow.

With a soft frown, he flicked up his black collar, sweeping the smooth, wispy silver strands of hair back from his face with a languid motion. Casting a quick glance about, Kadaj searched the room for his sword. Of course, it was gone, confiscated; taken away from him, like his pride and his identity. He tried not to dwell on it for the moment; to do so would invite more nightmares Kadaj could certainly do without. For now, he would just go along with Cloud's laughable plans.

As if he had a choice…

He walked up to the door, eager to leave this place once and for all. Kadaj paused, catching a glimpse of himself in the small, viewing window of the sterile, bleach-fragrant room. The image was distorted by the glass, the lines blurred, the face unrecognizable.

Kadaj stared morosely at his warped reflection in the hope of catching a glimpse of the dark, intoxicating power he had once wielded. There was only a vague remnant of its fleeting presence, or so Kadaj wanted to believe.

There was nothing left of his former self, he was nothing but only a name that would some day be erased from the face of history and eventually reduced to nothingness in the void of cosmos.

Who had named him thus? Who had made him? Mother or Sephiroth? Or both? It didn't matter now, Sephiroth was destroyed, and Mother had forsaken him, in all probability she too was destroyed when Sephiroth died.

No, a part of him wanted to believe that even if Mother did abandon him, life stream hadn't forsaken him, restoring him to the world of the living with a clean slate, granting him a promise of new life and new beginnings in order to become something he had never truly been before…A human; in every sense of the word.

What a preposterous notion… sheer idiocy, Kadaj muttered bitterly to himself, there was nothing more absurd than assume he could somehow be forgiven by the Planet, or Tifa… and others for one. Where did these strange ideas come from anyway, it wasn't as if he actually wanted to be forgiven.

He just didn't want to…disappear like his brothers, fade away into an oblivion of nothingness without leaving something of lasting significance, a part of himself that would linger on long after he was gone. He didn't want to be forgotten, tossed aside like some bad memory. Which, in reality, he was, Kadaj lamented…, no matter how hard Cloud tried to convince him otherwise.

He placed a hand across his eyes, as if the simple act would force away the stream of tears that soon besmeared his cheeks. He was fast becoming a sniveling crybaby like Loz, and Kadaj despised the very idea of blubbering like a child, let alone breaking down in front of Cloud and his group.

He hated Cloud, and Tifa too, and everyone else who pretended to tolerate his presence.

He hated the meddlesome Turks and their arrogant President who had the gall to shut him up here.

He hated Sephiroth for using him and bringing him to his knees in such a degrading, traitorous fashion, reducing him to total insignificance, taking away with him the abundant power that had been his and his alone. And for what…All for nothing…

Most of all, he hated himself.

_Stop._

Kadaj placed his hands on the door to brace himself, and tilted his head down, taking deep, slow breaths. The scent of leather and dried blood mixed with floor detergent made him nauseous, giving him a splitting headache.

Kadaj swore softly; when did he become so weak? Could the Turks have done something to his body while he was unconscious? Did the Lifestream simply strip away his unnatural resilience along with his bond with Sephiroth in order to restore him? He felt sick inside, sick and strangely empty.

What exactly awaited him outside the room was just another nightmare; a make-believe world of fake smiles and resentful absolution that would kill him slowly. He might as well do the deed himself and save everyone the trouble and himself further indignity.

_But I don't want to die…I want to live, I want to laugh and I want to feel joy and happiness and experience all the things that weren't important to me before…_

Kadaj sighed, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to seek refuge from an angry, vengeful world with that eccentric hermit Valentine, but he didn't exactly want to go back to the Forgotten City.

Right now, all he truly wanted was, strangely enough, human company, as wretched as that sounded.

How arrogant and overconfident he had been to assume that Loz had been the emotionally weakest of the pack. Kadaj, in utter bitterness, admitted to himself that this hadn't been entirely true…As he reflected on the times he had been drunk with power and vengeance, gorging himself on others' suffering and pain, the driving will behind it all had been Sephiroth's all along. He realized it was also Sephiroth's power that had banished his loneliness and weaknesses and insecurities.

He had never felt any lonelier than now…Never so miserably lonely and confused about everything, especially about himself. Without Sephiroth's guidance, a huge part of him had been stripped away, leaving him with only doubts…And regrets…

_I guess a remnant wouldn't really now…_

His eyes were drawn once more to the glass window, through which he saw Cloud and the others, faces taut and tense, in all probability still arguing over him. Clearly torn between the two, Tifa had her hand placed on the dark-skinned, robust man's broad shoulder, probably to calm him down as the two men regarded each other grimly. The ghostly, enigmatic one called Vincent was standing next to Cloud, though Kadaj could not make out what he was saying, the man's body language indicated he was siding with the spiky-headed warrior against the ex-AVALANCHE members. This strangely pleased him, knowing that someone was on his side.

Someone was out there sticking up for him despite his atrocious deeds against them, the Planet and all the innocent people in it. What a mess…

But the fact that these people had been his enemies only a couple of days ago, just added to his apprehension. They had plenty of opportunity to finish him off while he was out of it, but Cloud hadn't let them. Cloud, big brother…Sephiroth, the dark father…

_You let me down, Kadaj…You are a failure, you are nothing…_

_You are everything, Kadaj…Make the best of what's given you…_

"Shut up!" Kadaj growled, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his head between his clammy hands. Breathing deeply, he willed himself to calm down, and ignore the whispery voices that confused and pestered him at the most inappropriate of times.

He didn't care about Cloud, he didn't care about Sephiroth. He didn't care about the Planet or even Mother… His only priority was survival in a world that didn't want him. He had to survive. If he persevered, maybe Mother would come back to him…

Kadaj went to the sink and washed his face vigorously with the clear tap water, washing away his tears. He wetted his hair, enjoying the coolness of the water on his skin, trickling down his lashes and chin. He had never felt so painfully, terribly, humanly alive. It was a pleasing sensation, and it would last as long as Kadaj permitted.

He opened the door at last and, without looking back, shut it behind him loudly, ready to take anything the world could dish out, and embrace his loneliness in a crowd of strangers…

…………….

"They're leaving the building now, sir." The austere-faced Turk informed the young President coolly.

Inside the vast, air-conditioned office, silence prevailed. Rufus Shinra, seated at his mahogany desk, rubbed his chin slowly in deep thought, tapping his elegant fingers rhythmically on the polished wood. Through the spotlessly clean office window, he watched the platinum-haired youth exit the premises in the company of Cloud and his group.

He still couldn't believe he had authorized the remnant's discharge, all because of Cloud's delusions of redemption and similar useless sentiments that blinded one to sound judgment. He could not refuse Cloud, however, doing so would attract unwelcome and unnecessary complications.

It was a depressing thought that he was the only one with common sense. Even that thick-headed, blundering Barret had realized Kadaj was a doomed cause.

No matter what he did with his new life, no matter how hard he would try to change, Kadaj would always be a part of Sephiroth; and Sephiroth would always remain bound to his soul, lying dormant until he gathered enough strength to take over the puppet's broken body once more. All that foolishness about the deceased Cetra purifying his soul and casting out the shadow of Sephiroth was a far-fetched tale in Rufus's opinion. The nightmare would strike back again one day if not sooner, and when that day came, Kadaj would be powerless to prevent him from using his body as a mere instrument to unleash his wrath upon the Planet once more. Even if he fought against it, the Jenova cells within his body would not allow him.

And a raging Sephiroth was bad for business. If Cloud wasn't going to do anything about the matter, Rufus would take it upon himself to have Kadaj neutralized before he could be possessed again. For now however, he was content with just observing the remnant, therefore minimizing the casualties should another catastrophe arise.

He raised his deceivingly vacant eyes to the tall man clad in his impeccable black suit, standing patiently, waiting for his orders. The man's stark face expressionless, long, gleaming ebony hair brushed back from his high forehead.

Among his men, Rufus trusted Tseng the most; not because the man was more efficient or more reliable than the rest, it was because of his personal grudge against Sephiroth and all that was related to him. As far as he could recall, the murder of his old friend; that mysterious Cetra girl only heightened this profound hatred. Good, Rufus thought, it only made Tseng more dedicated, and dedication was what he required from his men. Some, had forgotten the meaning of the word…

"I've dispatched Rude and Reno to keep a close eye on the remnant." He took a small pause, his eyes never leaving the tall Turk. "Your assignment is to keep an eye on everyone, including those two, and ensure they don't neglect their duties by getting too wrapped up in their…personal dealings with Cloud and his new protégé. It goes without saying absolute discretion is well-advised." Rufus ordered. Tseng nodded his dark head in acknowledgement of his superior's instructions.

"You will not be needing Elena's assistance on this mission."

"Yes, sir." Tseng gave another slight nod. He realized Rufus had some serious misgivings about the other members' motives lately. He wondered why…True, Reno and Rude were a secretive, devious enough pair, and Elena had an unfortunate tendency to talk heedlessly and unnecessarily too much. But they were still proficient and trustworthy, and committed to their leader.

For the first time, he felt the tiny prick of uncertainty, but quashed it immediately. In his line of profession, one could not afford to worry too much. Tseng preferred working solo anyway.

Rufus dismissed him with an elegant gesture of his hand, going back to his perusal of last month's portfolio open on his desk. Tseng turned and strode out of the office.

…………


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here's the fourth update, I want to thank all of you guys personally for the reviews that surely made my night. I hope you won't mind the little Sephiroth reminiscence and fandom presented to you as a mini vignette midway through the chapter..., well, back then even Cloud was a fan! Hmm, I hope this one's not too long either, must be the inner Sephiroth-hugger in me...-shakes head- By the way as much as I'm a yaoi and a cainine lover, Barret&Nanaki is er...just not my thing! (Poor Nanaki...?) -chuckles- I don't think I'll go that far... Here's a clue; it will be an angst-laden -possibly one-sided- Kadaj pairing, because as one of my readers said, the poor thing does need a hug! Rest assured he'll get his much-needed cuddle, but not before some well-deserved suffering! All for the better I say.**

**Disclaimer: Square Enix owns pretty much everything.**

"**O Dreadful Angel of mine,**

**Enrich me with the vastness of Your Being…**

**I'll commit myself to understand,**

**To be the faithful and the instrument…"**

-Dimmu Borgir "The Insight and The Catharsis"

"You can sleep here." Tifa said without enthusiasm,opening the moss-green curtains and letting the last rays of the setting sun into the room adjacent to hers.

She had the guestroom ready at all times in case Barret or Yuffie decided to pop by. Now Kadaj was going to defile it with his presence, but there was no helping for it, Tifa sighed inwardly. Just grin and bear it, she told herself. Luckily Cid had gone back to Rocket Town straight after the celebrations, so at least a potential crisis was avoided. Nanaki was out with Yuffie, and Tifa suspected they weren't going to be very impressed when they found out about their surprise guest…

Kadaj cast his aquamarine gaze about the bedroom curiously, trying not to seem too overwhelmed by her reluctant kindness. He wished she would just punch him or do something similar and vent that bottled up frustration. Sooner than later...

The room was not overly large; furnished with a comfortable looking bed, a small cabinet next to it, a wooden desk with a chair under the window with a small bookcase crammed with a selection of volumes and small ornaments occupied one corner. Framed pictures adorned the cream colored walls, mostly colorful and clumsy drawings clearly made by a child's unschooled little hand.

Kadaj stood at the threshold for long moments, silently, unsurely so. Tifa placed her hands on her hips, scowling. Was he waiting for an invitation or what? Or was the room not good enough for his refined tastes? Well, the bastard had to make do!

All these poisonous thoughts faded when she realized the reason for his apparent indifference might just be as simple as shyness…He looked tired, the wanness of his complexion stood out against the stark black of his armoured trench, and he carried himself with a silent resignation one would see in a scolded child.Was this timid creature the dark, godlike entity Cloud had fought only a couple of days ago? Amazing…Maybe Cloud was not exaggerating when he said Aeris had cleansed Kadaj; maybe this was his true self; a bashful, serious teenager like Cloud had been years ago...Why was she making excuses for his behaviour anyway?

He looked as though he had just stepped into an entirely new world, curiously, but warily examining the unfamiliar territory, forcing himself to adapt to the alien surroundings that could or could not prove to be hostile. For a change, he was thrown into the role of the follower, and not the leader.

Kadaj stepped in with a slow reverence upon Tifa's beckoning, wordlessly examining each piece of furniture and knick-knack. For a fleeting moment, his features had a cast of wistful sorrow mixed with an almost childish excitement that baffled Tifa like nothing ever had before. It was just a room for heaven's sake…

As he moved around, the receding daylight danced in his collar-length hair, giving the moon-silver streaked strands a glistening, otherworldly, almost celestial sheen. He was made flawlessly in Sephiroth's image, Tifa noted with sorrow, remembering her own silly, girlish infatuation with the SOLDIER champion before he became corrupt. His terrible, demonic beauty often had her stealing embarrassed glances his way, sent her heart fluttering every time his eyes were to fall on her unseeingly in Nibelheim 7 years ago. The way the corner of those sculpted lips lifted in a knowing, shadowy semi-smile, the lambent mako grey-green eyes narrowing ever so slightly in thoughtful amusement…How awful it had all been, her stupid, one-sided crush that eventually turned into deepest resentment and revulsion…

Sephiroth was a murderer, a madman, evil made flesh. There could be no beauty or goodness in such an abhorrent creature. Could one make the same claim about Kadaj? Could one afford to make allowances for his vile past behaviour? Technically they were the same person, right, so did it really make any difference to treat him as though he was otherwise? Cloud said he was more than that...Did Aeris truly bring him back so that Sephiroth could finally atone for his sins through Kadaj and begin life anew as a different person? Or was it Cloud's overloaded imagination that had a habit of playing dangerous tricks on him, especially everytime he confronted Sephiroth's manipulative power? Aeris was still a delicate subject for Cloud, so Tifa tried to avoid that line of conversation in her questioning. Not that Cloud would tell her anything about the matter anyway, even after all these years, he had an annoying tendency to keep things to himself most of the time.

Tifa realized she was staring at Kadaj again, quite blatantly. Appalled and horrified at herself, she quickly cut her gaze away from him, grateful he was too distracted to notice. What had just possessed her to act like that?

"The bathroom's at the end of the hall, on your left. There are some leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry." She mumbled, trying not to sound too annoyed.

Kadaj looked up. His expression was unreadable, maybe he seemed a little confused and a little self-conscious. Truth be told, she felt a little awkward herself.

"Well, I'll leave you to it."

"Thank you…" His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Don't thank me, thank Cloud." Tifa said coldly.

Kadaj tilted his head in a slight nod, watching her leave. The toss of her sleek, jet-dark hair, the subtle sway of her hips as she disappeared round the corner and down the stairs, kept his gaze fastened with a strange sense of guilt and shame. She must really hate him, he thought gloomily, remembering the sheer, unbridled contempt burning in her black opalescent eyes. And here he was imposing on her with all his legendary selfishness, with no regard for her feelings whatsoever...

He wanted to go after her, tell her something stupid like how grateful he was, and that if he could change things for her, he would... By gods, he would…

"Don't worry about Tifa. She'll get over it."

Cloud appeared in the doorway with a bundle of assorted clothes, placing them on the bed.

"These should fit you I think. We're pretty much about the same size."

When the youth stared at the garments with a grimace, Cloud cocked an eyebrow in question.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything!" Kadaj seethed, he couldn't take the awful pressure of Cloud's benevolence anymore. " I don't understand any of this!" He took a bold step forward, his eyes flaring with an azure-green fury. "What am I doing in this place? I don't belong here… I don't belong in your world! What do you hope to gain by putting me and your friends though this stupid farce!" He was trembling.

"Kadaj, it's allright."

"No, it's not all right! Stop saying that! I know they all hate me, they don't want me here!" A dark, ghastly smile warped his face with a dangerous intensity for a second. "I'm all that's left of Sephiroth and they can't bear it!" He hissed softly.

Cloud remained silent. Kadaj's chaotic emotional state was wearing out on his nerves, but he did not give in to his irritation. He had to handle this carefully, with patience he hoped he had come to possess over the years. Perhaps beneath that explosive temper, Kadaj was actually still beating himself over his crimes against the planet. It was a good sign, showed the young man possessed some sense of morality after all.

"And they despise me for that, as if I could help it!" He spat in agitation. _Could you blame them, Kadaj...?_

"Who's they?"

"Don't act like you don't know!"

"You must give Barret and Tifa time to get used to all of this, Kadaj. Believe me they will, and not just for my sake." He added, clearly speaking from experience, as Kadaj could tell by the sincerity in his voice. "They will get to know the real you, and in time, all will be forgotten. I know it's hard, trust me I've been there."

"It's…so hard…" Kadaj said brokenly, once his anger was spent. His whisper was barely audible, his fury dissipating as quickly as it came.

"Just hang in there kid."

"I don't get you." Kadaj said grimly, with a slight shake of his silver head.

"Yeah, I get that often." Cloud smiled faintly. "You know I thought I'd never say this, but believe it or not, Sephiroth wasn't always like that…"

"What do you mean?" Kadaj cut his gaze to Cloud in amazement.

"Before he discovered what Shinra had done to him and went insane in that mako reactor in Nibelheim, he was not actually so bad. He was my hero you see." Cloud said quietly, then gave a faint shrug. "I suppose he was everyone's hero in those days…"

"I'm beginning to think you're the one who's insane…" Kadaj remarked in absolute shock. Maybe he was going insane himself too, never in a million years he thought he'd hear his bitter foe utter such words about Sephiroth…Sephiroth it seemed, had an unmatched talent for influencing and mesmerizing those around him one way or the other, even his arch enemies...Oddly enough, Kadaj felt the claws of jealousy sink into his gut, twisting and reopening old wounds. Whether reviled or revered, Sephiroth would always overshadow him and his mediocre powers.

"No, it was Hojo. That man ruined his own son. Nearly destroyed the planet in the process…" Cloud's face darkened with the memories.

"Hojo?" Kadaj queried in bewilderment.

"Even as I look back now, I can't help but pity Sephiroth...I often wondered if things would have been different...if Hojo had never allowed his unborn son to be injected with Jenova cells and exposed to some sicko's ghastly experiments."

"What are you talking about?" Kadaj frowned slightly, totally mystified.

"Sit down. It's time you and I had a talk anyway." Cloud pulled a chair and motioned Kadaj to sit.

The younger man did as he was bid, his confusion mounting by the moment. Cloud leaned against the wall, crossing his arms in front of him as the shadow of a long lost memory passed over his eyes, and Kadaj saw...

……..

"Your orders before I depart, sir?" The blonde Shinra soldier asked the taller man swathed in forbidding black, standing perfectly straight and stark motionless by the inn's dusty window.

Sephiroth did not look at him. His mind's eye already had already summoned the questioning eyes colored to the blue of cloudless skies, clear and bright. The absurd blonde spikes of his hair that refused to flatten beneath the blue helmet. The young, luminous face full of idealism and naïveté in a way he never had possessed, nor he wished to. Odd, that this particularly insignificant, low class soldier should stand out in such a way in his mind. Maybe it was the youth's steadfast loyalty, his unfaltering tendency to follow his commands and not Zack, despite being friends with him. He didn't know whether this irritated him or pleased him. Perhaps both.

"This scenery…I feel like I know this place." Sephiroth replied vaguely, more to himself, gazing through the slightly begrimed glass, feigning boredom.

Cloud came to stand beside him, his fine-featured countenance brightening with an enthusiasm peculiar to the young and innocent.

"After our mission, I could show you around if you like, sir. Nibelheim is one of the most beautiful towns in all the world."

The unique, silvery-green mako infused eyes slanted in a sideways glance. Sephiroth turned with a languorous grace the younger man envied and coveted. Even when fighting, Sephiroth was an epitome of dark, unhurried elegance and style that baffled and distracted many a hapless foe.

"Of course you will say that. It's your home." He said in a smooth, abstract voice, faintly amused perhaps.

"I guess." Cloud shrugged, turning from the window, feeling slightly overpowered by the commanding presence of the man he looked up to everyday of his 16 winters worth of life.

"Besides, I doubt you have seen anywhere beyond Nibelheim and Midgar borders to make such a claim." Sephiroth teased. There was a barely noticeable, derisive undertone to his deep, low-pitched voice.

"Someday I will." Cloud answered resolutely, glancing away.

With a gentle, graceful movement, Sephiroth flicked a long, wispy silver lock out of his face, absently watching the younger soldier sit on the edge of the bed with his hand placed on one knee, the other gauntleted hand tapping his helmet absently against his leg, his blonde head tilted forward in deep thoughtfulness that suddenly made him seem older than a mere 16 year old.

"Sephiroth?" He asked again, with an almost shy, pensive smile, intoning his name with the sort of reverence that never ceased to intrigue the senior SOLDIER. It felt good to be respected and admired, Sephiroth admitted to himself.

It felt good to be idolized.

"Hmm?" He tipped his head slightly. Dying sunlight cast its final illumination upon his pale hair, white-gold bleeding through pure silver, angelically so.

"You know how you said you don't have a hometown, earlier on?"

Sephiroth said nothing, maintaining his watchful silence, seemingly content with his casual observation of the sparsely-furnished, but adequate inn-room, taking no notice of the blue-clad youth. He crossed his well-muscled arms in front of his chest, leaning his weight on one leg. His silver brows arched slightly with interest.

"I… I overheard you and Zack on the way. I hope you don't mind." Cloud began awkwardly, shuffling his feet. His mako-blue eyes were firmly fixed on the intricate patterns of the carpet. He took a slow breath, then looked up at his superior.

"Nibelheim can be your hometown if you like. My family would be honored to have you here, sir, you can even have your own room…"

Something very unusual and very disturbing happened then, descending upon the inn room like a black, inky shadow that tainted all it touched; even the last rays of afternoon light outside seemed to dim faster.

Sephiroth started to laugh.

It was a hollow, sarcastic laughter etched with a sorrowful tinge otherwise actually reserved for tears.

He trailed off, pursing his lips in a brooding smile, seeing the confusion and deep humiliation reddening the youth's cheeks. Then he just paled, a morose shadow replacing the vibrant hope in his eyes, dimming what little confidence and optimism Cloud had in him. He looked perturbed, crestfallen, wary even. This was maybe because he rarely ever heard the man raise his voice in laughter or despair.

Sephiroth knew exactly what the boy was thinking; how could a champion like him stoop to such an inferior level, why would he demean himself by calling this little backwater town his home, and acknowledge this insignificant nobody-soldier as his brother? He remained taciturn and silent, watching the boy rise to his feet uneasily, afraid he had overstepped his boundaries.

Cloud sighed inaudibly, why did he have to go and make a fool of himself like that? Had he offended him in some way? Judging by the look on his face, Sephiroth probably thought he was a loser. He did not need to be reminded of the fact. He knew he was a brazen, hopeless loser; he had been most of his life… Maybe he could make himself scarce while he could still salvage the situation…

It was true that to prolong this silent treatment was a cruel thing to do, Sephiroth mused. Even so, he savored every single moment of the youth's distress.

In his own, twisted way, Sephiroth was punishing him for his apparent audacity. It was not unusual for him to treat his lessers such, sometimes too immature a thing to do on his part; to toy with weaker individuals -be it an adversary or an admirer- who willingly, foolishly exposed their hearts and souls to him. Those who were subjected to his cruelty were either broken irredeemably, or amazingly, they thrived. It was just another method to weed out the weak, Sephiroth thought; if anything, he was doing them a favor by crushing those flimsy emotions and childish hopes anyway. A man did not learn self worth and earn respect by succumbing to his weaknesses. Without control and restraint, pride and ambition, the heart became wayward, disobedient, easily manipulated, and such a man made a poor SOLDIER, let alone a low rank Shinra enforcer. No wonder the boy had failed…

Nevertheless…

This particular one had a strangely endearing penchant for making himself a royal pest sometimes…much in the manner of an exasperating little brother would. Of course, he wouldn't know, Sephiroth reflected; he had no brother, no family. He wasn't sure he ever wanted one.

Even for the briefest of moments, Sephiroth enjoyed the odd sense of contentment the boy's presence brought. What was his name again…? He remembered Zack referring to him as Cloud…

He sometimes wondered at the bond Zack and Cloud shared, despite their ranks and status in life. He sometimes envied it...A part of him was intrigued by the offer still, yearning to say yes, that this was their home and that they would be as brothers until the very end, regardless of their status and aspirations in life. But doing so would be a lie; like many other things in the Planet. A big, fat lie.

Like brothers…he mused. It had a strangely pleasant sound to it…But it would be an utterly foolish thing to covet, for their alliance was based solely on mutual duties assigned to them by the Shinra and nothing further than that. To assume anything more than that would be highly improper thing to do for a man of his position. Sephiroth prided himself on avoiding any unprofessional entanglements of any kind, unlike some others that populated his order, or those sloppy, insufferable Turks. And, knowing what Cloud was, it was hardly a sound notion to indulge the boy…

The soft rustle of a sable cloak brought Cloud's head up to gaze at the older, more experienced warrior with a despondent look he did not bother to hide. Then, another amazing phenomenon happened.

Sephiroth gave him a brotherly pat on the shoulder, that could pass as a fond gesture. Cloud felt a thrill of deep satisfaction; he knew as well as anyone else who was more or less familiar with Sephiroth's aloof, reserved persona that bordered on downright unapproachable, that he was not inclined to make any physical contact with anybody -even in combat- , much less touch another in affection.

Cloud, readily enough, took this as a positive sign, his mind already filled with images of the two of them together, parading proudly down the streets of Nibelheim in glory, to the awe of his family and the rest of the citizens. And Tifa…

Tifa…

"We have an early start tomorrow. You should get some sleep soon." Sephiroth said impassively.

"Yeah." Cloud agreed, visibly cheering up. Once again, Sephiroth expertly managed to elude him, but Cloud did not mind this time. He would ask again later, before they departed for the mako reactor. After all, tomorrow was another day, and the young were full of dreams…

And these dreams sometimes turned into delusions one could not wake from, unable to separate reality from illusions…and like a subtle, creeping disease, they polluted the mind and tainted the soul.

"Cloud?"

"Yes sir?"

"My answer is no. We're not here on a picnic here, never forget that." Sephiroth said, his voice hardening, his small smile frosting over.

"Don't let him get to you." Zack whispered as Cloud walked grimly past him and made his way out without a word to his friend…

…………….

"Cloud?"

Cloud lifted his blonde head and regarded Kadaj with a bleak smile.

"A week after that Sephiroth burned Nibelheim to the ground."

"If you're expecting me to sympathize, you're mistaken." Kadaj muttered somewhat diffidently.

"I'm not. I just want you to understand." Cloud stated as a matter of fact.

"Understand what?"

"That you have a choice. Sephiroth didn't. You can make things better for yourself and those around you, or you can throw it all away and give up now. Which will it be, Kadaj?"

"I don't know…I'm not even sure what you mean by that…" Kadaj averted his eyes and rose from his chair, pacing about in sudden agitation.

"She's gone, isn't she?"

"You mean…Mother?" Kadaj paused.

"Jenova. The Calamity. Whichever you prefer. She or he's known to have many names."

"Jenova…" Kadaj repeated with a whispery tone. "She's….not here." His hand traveled to his temple.

"I thought so." Cloud said softly. "Just as Aeris said…"

Kadaj said nothing.

"You are not Sephiroth, Kadaj. His sins are not yours. Not anymore."

"Your friends don't seem to think that way…" He couldn't still believe they were having this conversation, as if they had never been enemies…

"Well then, now's your chance to prove them wrong." Cloud said. "Listen, why don't you go have a shower and I'll see if I can get Tifa to prepare us something to eat."

"That won't be necessary…" Kadaj shifted uncomfortably. "She…she said there were leftovers…"

"With Marlene and Denzel in the house, there is no such thing as leftovers." Cloud grinned. "Anyway, I'll meet you downstairs when you're ready. We'll have dinner at the bar." And he headed out, leaving Kadaj to his thoughts.

Kadaj stared after him in utter perplexity. No one had treated him like this before, not Yazoo, not Loz…Was he actually feeling better after that little exchange? Jenova…he said… The calamity… An alien matter that infected the mind and soul and eventually warped the body as well to suit its needs...

The Calamity...Planet's ultimate Nemesis...

If she created him, didn't he essentially belong to her? Did that make him a puppet, a servant…or a son?

Who was he betraying truly? Cloud, Sephiroth, or himself?

Better not think about it too much, not now. His head hurt, and on top of that his stomach was churning; he was famished.

_Nevermind that…_

Kadaj peered out the window, over the ledge; it was a 2 storey fall, a child's play…Beyond that he could see the roofs and the dark alleyways beckoning…

_Which will it be, Kadaj…?_

_Now's your chance to prove them wrong…_

Voices…pulling his mind in opposite directions…His soul hesitated…

_Kadaj, you can have that power back…Mother's not gone…She's within you. I am within you…Find me within you…_

He took a step to the window. Now or never, it was time to decide. And this time, there was no going back.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here comes the least angsty chapter so far. I think you can already guess the Kadaj pairing I keep hinting at…..Please keep those reviews coming guys, remember feedback is every author's lifeblood and inspiration. I hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Square Enix.**

"Hey Rude, have you told Tifa yet?" Reno asked with a lopsided grin, leaning against the alley wall behind Seventh Heaven, one hand shoved in his trouser pocket. Rude gave no response, staring straight ahead in silence. It was hard to tell what the man was thinking; the hard chiseled face remained adamantly expressionless.

"You know you're ought to hurry up and tell her, man. One of these days she'll find someone more talkative to hook up with." Reno sneered softly.

Rude took a sidelong glance at his friend, than glanced down the length of the littered alleyway. Why did Reno constantly have to pick the most inappropriate times to bring up such a delicate subject? Rude wasn't in the mood for idle conversation let alone discuss the object of his desire.

"Good for her." He muttered dryly.

"So, you're gonna give her up just like that? Is that supposed to be a joke, cos I ain't laughing." Reno raised a red eyebrow.

"That's too bad."

Keep your eyes on the target, Rude thought, raising his shaded gaze across toward one of the upper windows of Seventh Heaven that overlooked the alley. He tensed up, alert and ready.

A silver-headed boy of about 18 years of age was peering out, quite intently, toward the derelict, industrial heart of the slums. He appeared to be in deep thought, a strange, blank obliviousness masking his features. Suddenly, he unlatched the window and prepared to jump. Rude, though alarmed, never once lost his cool calm, nudging his distracted partner.

Reno took the cue and focused his attention on Kadaj attempting to escape. The boy was scanning the area with narrowed eyes, assessing his chances of slipping undetected.

"Someone looks eager." Reno snickered, fingering his weapon, just when Kadaj spotted the two Turks.

Steely blue-green eyes narrowed to slits and clashed with Reno's clear cerulean ones as he curled a sly grin up at the disgruntled youth, who glared back for a long moment, before slamming the window shut and drawing the curtain. Smart kid, Reno thought, Kadaj probably realized it wasn't worth the effort.

"Bloody hell, we blew it! He wasn't supposed to see us!"

"Easy, Rude. Quite the opposite, actually. Let him know we're hounding his every step."

"Rufus won't be thrilled, this time."

"Rufus needn't know." Reno replied somberly, glancing heavenward as the first droplets of a cool rain began to fall from the leaden-cast sky rapidly darkening by the night's imminent descent.

"Let's get a move on shall we? Nothing better than a scotch in this weather." Reno smirked slightly.

"Only if you're buying." Rude said, the corner of his stern-edged lips crooking with mirth.

"Don't push it, Rude." Reno looked deadpan for a second, then slowly grinned, heading alongside the burly Turk toward Seventh Heaven, as the rain began to beat the earth and concrete.

Some distance away, a tall, black-clad silhouette stealthily disengaged himself from the devouring, writhing shadows of the street, and followed the two Turks soundlessly.

…………….

Darkness and rain was fast upon the city, and Seventh Heaven was buzzing with people at this time of the night, especially when it was bucketing like this outside. In a well-lit corner booth, a group of eco-warriors relaxed with a round of beer and a massive tray of wedges, voices raised with occasional laughter.

"Hey Cloud, what's holding that skinny-arsed remnant? I'm starving."

"What's wrong with wedges?" Yuffie piped up, deliberately ignoring the "remnant" bit.

"Wedges ain't a big fat bloody rump o' steak. A man's gotta have protein!" Barret grumbled, stuffing a handful of sour cream and sweet chili sauce laden wedges into his mouth.

"Gross as!" Yuffie wrinkled her nose and looked at Vincent for support. The ex-Turk shot the girl a blasé, don't-get-me-involved look, to which she dramatically rolled her eyes.

"Maybe one of us should go and check on him." Suggested Nanaki, who was settled rather comfortably next to the booth.

"Hmm." Cloud murmured, taking a swig of his beer.

Across at the bar, Tifa was preparing cocktails and serving customers, glancing anxiously at Cloud every now and then. Marlene and Denzel were in bed, Cait Sith minding them for the night. Of Kadaj, there was no sign.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Vincent remarked offhandedly.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Yuffie murmured dourly, without a trace of her usual chatty, cheerful self, toying absently with a sodden potato wedge on her plate.

An uneasy silence descended over the booth. Even Cloud seemed to be restless, thoughtfully swirling the contents of his beer bottle.

"I told yewse one of us shouldda stayed with him." Barret stared meaningfully at Cloud.

"It's not right to baby-sit him, Barret. He's probably still getting ready." The blonde eco-warrior said without much conviction. Was he having second thoughts about Kadaj? Well, it was too late for that…

"He's takin' his sweet time doin that if yewse ask me."

"Do you think he's changed?" Nanaki asked casually.

"Who, spikey-arse here or the remnant creep?" Barret muttered moodily.

"Not now Barret!" Yuffie chided him for his brazenness, glancing at Cloud with concern.

"Don't blame me for sayin' what everybody's thinkin!"

Cloud stared at his bottle with a soft frown. "I just…I don't want to fail Aeris…not this time. I have to carry out her wishes…" He raised his vivid blue eyes and regarded his friends with an unwavering gaze. "Kadaj will change, you'll see. It's no use bringing him down all the time, Barret. Please, try to understand, I can't do this without you."

"Bloody oath you can't…" The robust warrior sighed, a rueful half smile cracking across his lips.

"Cloud's right. I think we all should give Kadaj a chance. Worst comes to worst, he'll just morph into Sephiroth again and summon up another meteor. Nothing we can't tackle, right Cloud?" Nanaki remarked lightly.

"What!" Yuffie gasped, her eyes growing wide.

"Wait till Cid hears this…" Barret elbowed Vincent.

"Damn right. I was getting itchy to try my new sword anyways." Cloud grinned, thankful the gloom was finally somewhat alleviated.

"Speak of the devil…" Yuffie mumbled, looking toward the stern young man making his way out of the back area. He went up to the counter and said something to Tifa, upon which she wordlessly pointed at where Cloud and his group were seated.

At a mere glance, anyone could tell Kadaj was an outsider. Though he was freshly showered and shaved, silver strands still dripping, he had not changed into his new clothes, which kind of beat the purpose of having a shower. He was still in his blood-stained black leathers, but the slim hands were ungloved and his skin-tight armored trench zipped halfway, exposing the scarred, muscled pale torso slightly. It seemed symbolic somehow to Cloud, Kadaj still held onto his previous life in a way, not yet ready to shed his old identity yet. Nonetheless he was relieved to see his ward hadn't tried anything foolish and had decided to stay.

Yuffie moved, deliberately squishing Vincent to the wall, making room for Kadaj as he sat down with a leisurely grace. Despite the outward calm, he seemed edgy and nervous.

"Glad you could join us." Cloud pushed a chilled bottle of beer in front of Kadaj, who sat stiffly, not knowing what to say. He made sure to avoid eye contact with anyone.

"Hey guys, I'm going to the Gold Saucer next week, got some money stashed from the chocobo races. Apparently there's gonna be a big event. Anyone up for it?" Yuffie offered chirpily. She was going out of her way to make Kadaj feel comfortable, and Cloud did not fail to notice. _Good on you, Yuffie…_

"I believe it might be interesting." Vincent looked intrigued. "I've been meaning to revisit the Ghost Square myself…"

"Bet you 'ave…" Barret cocked his eyebrows.

"Good idea. We can visit grandfather too, he was getting a little lonely in the Canyon." Nanaki agreed.

"Sounds like a plan." Terrific, Cloud smiled inwardly. Of course, Bugenhagen…If anyone, he would know what to do with Kadaj. Why didn't he think of that before? Besides it wasn't a bad idea to get Kadaj out of town for a while, what with the Turks breathing down their necks…They all could use a little break anyway.

"Yeah count me in. I bet Tifa'll be thrilled too. She's been overworkin' herself lately." Barret nodded, returning Cloud's knowing smile.

"Ever been to the Gold Saucer, Kadaj?" Vincent asked.

Kadaj shook his head quietly, his downcast, blue mottled green eyes fixed on the table.

"Yo sunshine, loosen up would ya?" Barret called across the table with a booming voice.

Kadaj lifted his head, finding the courage to examine each expectant face.

Guilt; sheer, unadulterated guilt struck him deep. If only they knew he'd just tried to escape…And he would have, if it weren't for the Turks' intervention. He felt sick…

Disgusted at himself, Kadaj decided it might be in his best interest to do as Cloud advised. He had never been close to anybody before, and now, maybe it was time to do exactly that. This was something beyond the cold, unspoken instinctive bond he had shared with his dead brothers; this was friendship, plain and simple.

_Why do I feel this way…? Why does a part of me want to just run away and embrace Sephiroth's legacy as doomed as it sounds, while another part of my soul wants to hold onto what I have here, with these people…? _

It was pouring outside, and here he was safely ensconced in the warmth and bright lights of Seventh Heaven, surrounded by people he barely knew…people he wanted to touch and laugh and cry with…A strange sense of peace and calm came over him as he leaned back.

"Can I have some wedges please?" He asked politely.

"Knock yourself out." Cloud pushed the steaming basket and the sauce bowls towards him. Kadaj selected a small piece and dipped it in sour cream and chilli sauce, popping it in his mouth, chewing contentedly. Nothing seemed to have tasted so good before…

"Hey Vincent, what are doing for your birthday? It's in two weeks eh?" Yuffie asked, reaching for a wedge.

"Nothing." Vincent replied, swallowing a mouthful of wine.

"Bull! Let's extend our trip and go to Costa Del Sol, it's nice and warm over there at this time of the year, and you sure could use a tan Vincent. What do you say everyone?"

"Far be it from me to deny a lady…" Vincent said dryly.

"Who's going to Costa Del Sol?" Tifa asked as she came over to join the group, leaving an assistant tender in charge of the bar. Cloud stood and helped Tifa with the overloaded plates of steak and pies, distributing the food.

Kadaj whipped his iridescent gaze toward her, his mouth suddenly too dry for some stupid reason. Tifa wiped her hands on her apron and sat next to Cloud and Barret.

"We all are! To celebrate Vincent's birthday." Yuffie grinned, reaching over and picking a steamed carrot.

"Apparently so." Vincent said flatly and shrugged.

"Yo, someone pass me the gravy." Barret said impatiently, inhaling the divine aroma of the steak with a sigh of satisfaction. Kadaj grabbed the gravy jug with trembling fingers and set it down next to the big man.

"When's your birthday, Kadaj?" Yuffie asked while the silver-haired youth picked at his steak and steamed vegetables silently.

"I don't know…" He looked up, setting his fork down. "I don't think I have one…"

"What do you mean you don't have a birthday?" A look of bewilderment knitted Yuffie's thin brows. "Everyone has a birthday!"

"I think he means he wasn't born from a human like the rest of us, Yuffie. Hence he doesn't have a birthday." Tifa said without looking up.

Barret cleared his throat loudly, scowling at his steak, Yuffie looked puzzled.

"I…I just remember waking up with my brothers in that cave one day, and I simply was…" Kadaj clarified tautly.

"Bugger me dead...!" Yuffie breathed.

"Do you remember what the date was?" Cloud interjected.

"I'd rather not." Kadaj said glumly.

"In that case today's as good as any. So how about it?" Cloud suggested. Everyone glanced at each other, then nodded. Kadaj, for the first time in his life, was slack-jawed.

"Well then everyone, I propose a toast." Cloud raised his bottle and everyone followed suit except Nanaki who perked his head up curiously and Tifa, who gazed at her glass with a deep frown, chewing her bottom lip. Eventually she too, raised her glass, slowly.

"Happy Birthday Kadaj…" They all said in unison, drawing curious glances from the nearby patrons.

Kadaj downed his beer as everyone applauded. Sephiroth had been wrong. He was home.

……………

After dinner, feeling significantly better and pleasantly full, Kadaj took his plate into the kitchen, where Tifa was busy rinsing the dirty dishes in the sink, her back turned to him. Upon his approach, her slender spine stiffened, but her eyes remained fastened on what she was doing.

"Excuse me." Kadaj mumbled, holding his plate under the water.

"Leave it." Tifa said and snatched the plate from his hand, her fingers briefly brushing against his. She shuddered.

"I can help…"

"Isn't it a bit too late for that?" Tifa mumbled bitterly.

Kadaj sighed in understanding, turning to leave. He didn't want to argue with her.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt to say thank you either." Tifa snapped softly. Was she trying to provoke him and start an argument on purpose? _Come on Tifa, you're better than that…_  
"I thought you told me to thank Cloud, and I already did that!" Kadaj retorted sharply, his mood rapidly declining.

Tifa spun around to confront him. Her hands clenched.

"I don't think you're in any position to get smart with me!"

Kadaj raked his fingers through his hair. He just couldn't win…

"I try to be civil, but you're treating me like a piece of dirt. Everytime you look at me, you see _him_, and I wish you didn't!" He said in gentler tones.

"You can't hold that against me." Tifa muttered, wiping the bench.

"I know that." Kadaj took a breath, looking straight into Tifa's eyes as he spoke. Cloud's encouraging words came to him, and he felt himself growing bolder. "All I'm trying to say is I'm not…him. I did not kill your father, I did not set fire to Nibelheim. I understand you hold me responsible, and I can live with that. I just don't want you to hate me for something I can't help. Can't you just compromise?"

"You have some nerve to ask me that." Tifa kept on cleaning, not caring she was wiping the tabletop for the third time. She had to keep herself occupied, or she would lose it.

"I don't want to fight with you, Tifa."

A soft tremor ran down her spine when he said her name; she hated the feeling, hated his guts, hated everything about him. She hated the tiny lurch of her heart every time they made physical contact, and hated the horrid resemblance her eyes were perpetually drawn to against her will.

"Fine." Tifa said, quelling all the bitter words that came to her, and looking away. "Whatever you do, just don't let Cloud down, okay?"

"No…" Kadaj said gently. "I won't."

Suddenly Yuffie appeared in the kitchen, panting, looking all tense and worried.

"Tifa! You'd better come quick!" She turned to Kadaj, her eyes going huge. "And you hide! NOW!"

……………………

**A/N: Whoopsie, beware the cliffhanger…Pressure's building up...Anyway, hope you liked this chap, leave me a review if you did and tell me what you think. See you all next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry I took so long to update! I'm so glad everyone's liking this so far. I promise I'll try to reply to each reviewer, your opinions mean so much to me, and I'm absolutely delighted you like this fic with all its flaws and evil cliffhangers. –grins- Some of you might think I'm portraying Kadaj a little fluffier than the harsh, ruthless cold bastard he's usually conveyed to be, but I'd like to think he's just a young, inexperienced, troubled teenager underneath it all, and I endeavor to bring out that side of him as much as I can in this story. Enjoy and drop me a review if you like it. **

**Disclaimer: Square Enix owns everything.**

"Where is he?!? I'm gonna kill him!!!" Barret roared, barging into the kitchen, his face crimson with anger, striding towards Kadaj. Cloud followed him in, trying to quell the infuriated man, to no avail.

"Uh oh…Too late!" Yuffie gasped, tugging at Tifa's sleeve. "Do something!"

"What's going on??" Tifa was baffled.

Kadaj, in utter perplexity, retreated a step, and stared up at the livid man.

"You dare do this to Cloud!?! To us! We accepted you here; I acknowledged you as a friend, because I thought you actually gave a damn!!! You sneaky little piece of shit!!! Shoudda known better than to trust a Sephiroth remnant scum!!!" Barret fulminated, panting with fury, his left hand clenched to a tight fist, ready to knock the life out of the bewildered young man, who was fast getting pretty pissed off himself.

"You know what? I think you need to lay off the booze a little. Or did you forget to take your chill pill?" Kadaj sneered defiantly, his eyes glinting as coldly as the icicles that riddled the Northern Cave. And promptly he steeled himself for the blow. Though shaken, he stood his ground, determined not to be intimidated by the dark behemoth of a man.

"And I'd watch my mouth if I were you; this is no time to get smart." Cloud frowned at Kadaj. It was not exactly conducive to one's health to insult Barret, as Kadaj was about to find out for himself.

"Shut yer piehole spikey! I'm gonna belt the crap outta that lowlife!"

"What have you done?" Tifa asked lowly, looking worriedly at Kadaj.

"Beats me!" Yuffie began hastily, darting a nervous glance at Barret. "Reno and Rude came just then and told something to Cloud. Then Barret overheard and went all spastic and Vincent said to go find Kadaj and tell him to disappear!"

"What did they tell him?" Tifa was mystified.

"I think we're about to find out." The silver-haired youth shrugged resignedly.

"Don't muck me around you scrawny little asshole!" Barret fulminated, grabbing Kadaj by his collar and delivered a vicious punch to the coldly handsome face.

"Barret, I think you've gone a bit too far there." Cloud cut in sternly, glancing at Kadaj moaning in pain and holding his bleeding nose, one hand braced to the wall to keep his balance.

"NOT in my kitchen!" Tifa glared at both Kadaj and Barret. "Quit it both of you!" She turned to Cloud. "What happened this time?"

Cloud did not get a chance to answer. Two familiar figures stood behind him, faces devoid of emotion.

"I'll tell you what happened. Your little remnant pet there tried to escape, undoubtedly got a bit too excited about the warm reception. Isn't that right, Kadaj?" Reno snickered bitterly. Rude cast a quick glance at his partner; evidently Reno still hadn't gotten over the severe thrashing they had received from Kadaj in Healin Lodge. Fair enough, he thought, serves the remnant -or whatever he was- right.

"Is that true?" Tifa turned her harsh gaze to Kadaj. Cloud retained his brooding silence, while Barret panted harshly, red mists of anger slowly dissipating.

Kadaj angrily pushed Yuffie's hand away as the girl held out a tea towel to his blood-streaked face.

"Wouldn't you??? Wouldn't you try to run away if you were in my place? Look at the treatment I get! I couldn't think of a warmer reception!" He shot back defiantly, dabbing at his nose with the back of his hand. Strangely, the pain seemed to come from deep inside, his anger targeted right at himself…

"Hell, maybe I wouldn't. I endeavored to make you feel comfortable here. We all tried." Cloud sighed, trying to keep the disappointed edge out of his voice.

"Told you he was rotten from the start but none of yewse listened!" Barret went on.

"Oh come on, give the guy a break. He's been here for what, less than a day? It's only natural he's confused and afraid, right Vincent?" Yuffie butted in, hoping the man wouldn't ignore her plea this time and would actually back her up for a change.

"I'm not afraid!" Kadaj hissed acerbically.

"This isn't something you should excite yourself over, Barret." Vincent then glanced at everyone with an impartial crimson gaze. "We all knew this wasn't going to be easy, so we should perhaps make allowances this time."

"I'm of the same opinion." Nanaki nodded his red canine head.

"I bet you he's saying that just to spite us." Reno leaned over and murmured to Rude as he glared disgustedly at the crimson-caped ex-Turk.

"And how do we know he won't try to run away again?" Tifa looked unimpressed.

"We don't. That's how it works. You either take a leap of faith, or you don't." Vincent shrugged slightly. Yuffie beamed with pleasure.

"You're right." Cloud said finally, after a pause. "We all make mistakes." He darted a sympathetic glance at Kadaj.

"What? You're not going to let him off that easily now, are you?" Reno lifted his red eyebrows in mild disgust.

"Hello, earth to Reno! That's what Cloud just said!" Yuffie rolled her eyes at the Turk.

"And that's where everything goes downhill again." Barret sighed and shook his head in objection.

Kadaj riveted his downcast eyes to the floor; hoping no-one would notice the tears of frustration quickly welling up. Turquoise orbs turned sharp, cold, hard.

Kadaj did the only thing when confronted with that devastating, multi-headed monster called compassion and sympathy and kindness. He retreated into himself, his face once again becoming an emotionless mask, disguising his bitterness and deep, deep regret.

In that brief moment, he reflected on why he had tried to escape. It felt like a hazy memory mottled with the face and voice of another…He had heard _his_ voice, and it had called to him. Sephiroth…

Kadaj was not happy about being manipulated; but the other entity seemed to be aware of this too, and it troubled Kadaj more than anything. If Jenova, -Mother, he meant- wanted a champion, she would have to choose between him and Sephiroth; because Kadaj was determined not to be a puppet again. Not for anyone. Ever.

He couldn't succumb to Sephiroth's greater will, and risk losing everything, including his own sanity on top of the list. He had to come up with a solution before the others became suspicious.

He didn't quite understand why he had lashed out at Barret earlier either; except that it had been his first impulse. A side of him delighted in provoking the man, but Kadaj suspected it might be just easier to exercise self-control and hold his tongue than having to suffer a broken nose or a jaw. The dusky-skinned big man reminded him of Loz sometimes; so much strength, impatient, quick tempered…But Barret wasn't his brother…Never could be.

What was this sudden fondness for Loz anyway? Hadn't he always treated him with nothing other than scorn? And hadn't Loz always either cried or just become silent, instead of retaliating?

So many damned memories…So many damned regrets…

"Well, I guess you're too damn proud to apologize too." Barret grumbled. "Shame I didn't catch you red-handed. Then you'd be screamin' I'm tellin' ya."

Pride…Was it the true reason Kadaj remained silent? Vincent wondered as he looked on, unaffected by the tension that infused the very air.

Kadaj seemed to be bleeding allright, but no-one could see it. And there was something…dark, something…unspeakable that crept into that silence, and surprisingly, Kadaj was fighting it. He decided to keep this to himself, and made a mental note to speak with the youth later.

"Tifa, you mentioned desserts before. What did you have in mind?" Vincent inquired to dispel the mood.

"Didn't know you had a sweet tooth, Vincent?" Yuffie blinked, apparently not getting the hint.

"I feel I am rather still peckish after such an eventful evening, don't you?" Vincent said in a detached voice.

"There are no desserts." Tifa replied peevishly.

"Liar! I saw jelly-shots in the fridge!" Yuffie grinned.

"That's not dessert, you knob-head." Reno mumbled under his breath and rolled his scornful blue eyes.

"Wow, did you just hear that?" Yuffie huffed indignantly and strode up to Reno, raising her chin in defiance. Reno looked down at the livid girl with a bored expression.

"Let me guess, that's the sound of you don't give a shit? I think I've heard that one before." He said smoothly, much to Yuffie's chagrin. She made a face at the Turk, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Don't know about you, but I'm having a jelly shot." Rude said, popping off his sunglasses and rubbing his eye with brief exasperation.

Cloud was already getting the large tray lined with red and green vodka jelly cups out of the fridge.

"Then follow me." He said, looking to Kadaj. "Coming?"

"In a minute…" Kadaj mumbled in a slightly tremulous voice.

Cloud nodded and exited the kitchen with an overly-excited Yuffie and Nanaki, Rude stepped aside politely and let Tifa pass, holding the door for her, while Reno looked on with a smirk, batting his eyelashes at his partner and mouthing "my hero". When everyone departed, Vincent turned to Kadaj, his inscrutable crimson eyes searching the youth's vacant face.

"It is him, isn't it? Sephiroth, he's trying again."

"I would appreciate if we didn't have this conversation." Kadaj sighed moodily, concealing a shudder. Vincent's insightful nature gave him the chills.

"I think you'd better tell Cloud. He thinks Aeris cleansed you." Vincent said shrewdly.

"It wasn't Sephiroth! You think you know everything, but you don't." Kadaj slanted a withering glance at the ageless man.

"Next time, come to us. That's why we're here for. We're here for you so you don't have to fight alone." Vincent said, then he too, headed out of the kitchen.

Kadaj stood there by himself for a minute, lost in contemplation. Mother's love had driven Sephiroth hateful, selfish, mad, and thirsty for revenge and destruction. Or so he was led to believe.

If such was the case, then Kadaj decided guiltily he was not that much of a good son, after all…

………………….

His screams could wake the entire household, Tifa thought, staring irritably at the ceiling. She shifted slightly to glance at the digital clock beside the bed; 2:30 am.

She'd been tossing and turning all night, unable to sleep. With a restless sigh, she threw the blankets off and sat up, staring into the darkness of her room, partially illuminated by the silver moon pouring in with a ghostly radiance, accentuating eerie black shadows that crouched in corners.

Another scream, a low, painful pitch like that of a wounded animal pierced the silence, echoing across the corridor. The noise was driving her insane.

She was amazed Marlene and Denzel could sleep through the whole thing; sleep spell did have its uses after all, as Cait-Sith had said. But if Kadaj continued like this all through the night, she'd have to deal with a grumpy Barret in the morning, and personally, she'd rather fight a Midgar Zolom or a Bahamut even.

Tifa rose from the bed and carefully tiptoed into the hallway, stopping in front of Kadaj's room and taking a deep breath. She clasped the handle and quietly let herself in, leaving the door ajar.

It was hard to see much in the nocturnal darkness blanketing the room, but she soon found her way across to the bed, where Kadaj was laying in a supine position, his tormented face lit softly by the moonlight, glinting in his hair and feathery lashes that flickered in a nightmare trance.

A layer of perspiration thinly covered the deceivingly alluring features. Still he hadn't taken off his leathers…

She leaned over and touched his shoulder, hating the brief contact. He seemed stir at once, snapping to full alertness with a startling swiftness. Talk about a being light sleeper…

Panting softly, he fixed his luminous blue-green eyes on her blearily at first, then intently, irately, agitatedly.

"Do you mind turning it down? You're going to wake everyone up." She hissed in a quiet, harsh whisper.

Kadaj didn't answer immediately, his gaze tracing the path of moonlight that fell across her, dancing in her tousled jet-black hair, outlining the tantalizingly beautiful body; with all its soft feminine curves and full bosom beneath the white nightgown. He dragged his gaze away from her.

He could think of a million sarcastic remarks to put her in her place, but Kadaj didn't employ words this time. Whenever he was around her, his mind seemed to shut down, leaving him at the mercy of his darker passions.

Darker passions??? Whatever that meant….

He wanted to find out how it felt like to touch that tangible warmth of her, hold that soft body, flesh to flesh, heartbeat to heartbeat, breath to breath…

He inhaled a sharply, vexed at the sudden tightening of his body. At least he could admit to himself it was only a physical attraction; a baser instinct that had nothing to do with….

_With what, Kadaj?_

Kadaj hated feeling like this; it made him vulnerable and weak...He resented her even more so, for having such power over him. Once, he had a cause, and that had given his life meaning, structure. He had been too preoccupied to waste time thinking about the fairer sex…

The hard, but angular jaw clenched, the soft light in his eyes sharpened. He just wished these nightmares would go away… Including the ones that tormented him with her face…He straightened into a sitting position and leaned forward, rubbing his face groggily.

"What time is it?" He whispered tonelessly, his face remote.

"Half past two." She replied, feeling slightly remorseful for snapping at him. Sephiroth avatar or not, he couldn't help his nightmares. What the hell…Nighttime always brought out a softer, sentimental side of her Tifa wished she could just rid herself of.

Had she imagined that strange, intent gaze a moment ago? A blue-green gaze that had been more like a slow, tender caress…

"Go back to bed." He closed his eyes briefly, his lips barely moving, his nonchalance eliciting an inaudible, resentful sigh from Tifa.

"Look, I can't get to sleep with you moaning all night."

"What do you want me to do about it?" He bit back tersely, not meaning to do so.

Tifa slowly sat on the edge of the mattress, staring into the blank darkness without a word. There was something about Kadaj that was reminiscent of Cloud, something warm beneath that thick layer of ice, something so breathtakingly tender…That's why he was fighting back all the harder, to snuff that tiny flame of humanity at times like this.

Suddenly, a beam of light spilled into the room through the half open door, tiny footsteps and muffled whispers echoing down the hallway.

"Great!" She huffed and stood up. "Kids are up."

Kadaj's gaze slid back to her as she walked out, her feet making no sound on the soft carpet.

Another elongated, angular shadow crept through the darkness behind her, making a quiet, slithering noise as he glided past his room. A hushed, laboured breathing followed the silhouette, one that froze Kadaj's blood.

There was an intruder in the house.

He jumped out of bed swiftly, thinking fast as he rushed to the door, which suddenly slammed shut in his face.

A whisper touched his mind from the dark and crawled down his spine.

"_Kadaj…"_

His hand froze on the doorknob, and Kadaj slowly turned around…


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I hope you'll all excuse me for the irregular updates lately because I've just moved out and have limited net access until I get my own connection back up. I'm so happy you guys like this Kadaj fic, I'm hoping you'll like this chap as well, tried to go easy on the cliff hangers this time and focused more on Kadaj's inner/moral struggle. Review and tell me what you think if you like. Once again, thank you so much for reading! You guys are awesome!**

**Disclaimer: Square-Enix owns everything.**

This time there was no escape from this nightmare.

He couldn't take his eyes off the black silhouette that shuffled toward him, his darkness blocking the narrow path of moonlight completely. Warily, Kadaj tilted his head to get a glimpse of what lay beneath that black hood, straining his eyes to see into the awful depths of that blackness that hid the face…

_This can't be happening…_

A face terribly familiar, a face that was his mirror image, stared from beneath the dark depths of the cowl, a white face painted with a vague, hollow smile. The dull green blue eyes reminded him of the empty, desolate grey wastelands that stretched across for miles outside Midgar, except there was no echo of life in these eyes, only a ruined, faint recollection of disjointed memories belonging to someone else…Someone who had tried to destroy the planet in the name of Mother…

"Great…Sephiroth…" His mirror image rasped. "The Reunion…is…coming…"

Kadaj was caught fast in the dreadful spell of the moment, of coming face to face with this…creature that seemed to have leapt straight out of his nightmares into reality.

Then another awful question assailed his mind.

Had he looked like this to Cloud and his group, before Sephiroth had claimed his body and left him to die there atop the Shin-Ra headquarters? Had he been this fanatic, obedient, soulless marionette with no goal other than to fulfill Sephiroth's ambitions?

No, this creature was not him. _There is only one Kadaj, and that's me…_

"You are not…Kadaj. Kadaj…doesn't…exist. You are…the great….Sephiroth…Only Sephiroth…" The silver-haired clone hissed once more, the hideous smile etching into Kadaj's brain…

Kadaj knew he had to do something, and that he had to hurry…But he was pinned to the spot, by nothing other than his own stupid fears…

_Never fear, Kadaj…_

It was impossible…Kadaj had never been a Sephiroth clone, but only a sentient remnant of Sephiroth's will manifest in the physical world. Perhaps being a soulless clone was a more preferable fate than being an incomplete fragment of a soul. A fragment deprived of will and identity, a remnant with no memories and only a name that meant nothing to cosmos…

Beads of cold sweat rolled down his face, his lips and eyes frozen, his pliant black leathered body poised to attack, destroy and vanquish this nightmarish illusion and his own fear too. The clone seemed to know exactly what Kadaj was thinking, for he took the youth's face between his icy hands and leaned over, as if to plant a brotherly kiss on the cheek…

_Sephiroth…_

_I hate you._

_I hate you for making me. _

_I hate you for using me._

_I hate you..._

Kadaj pushed him away with violent disgust, cursing the absence of his Souba and offensive materia. First, he had to find out what he was dealing with; whether his own warped imagination or a doppelganger created by Sephiroth in order to confuse and break him; preparing a willing, empty vessel for himself. Or was it Mother's cells inside him fighting to destroy the flimsy bonds of humanity that tied him to this planet; his subconscious projecting the image of what he was meant to be…

His mind was spinning with a thousand visions all bearing the same face; Sephiroth's.

His memories was Sephiroth's memories, his will was Sephiroth's will, his body then, too, Sephiroth's.

_Kadaj, the human…the failed remnant, unworthy of Mother's love…_

What did he have that wasn't related to Sephiroth in any form? What did Kadaj have that only belonged to him?

Some silly, unsubstantial little fancy…? Feeble whispers of regret every time he wronged the Planet in some way…? A group of people who was half convinced he was better off dead?

_A group of people who are your friends, your guide, your rock…_

_Don't be absurd…_

The clone sneered, pulling back the hood and revealing his face fully, staring at Kadaj with a dark, venomous expression, eyes gleaming grey-green; pools of silver vortex; unearthly and alien, drawing him in, showing him a future that could only be altered on one condition…

"You…can…not…escape…"

"_Next time, come to us. That's why we're here for. We're here for you so you don't have to fight alone…"_

Vincent's words echoed in his mind, but wasn't he the enemy?

These nightmares were going to plague him forever, until the very end, until he gave up this foolish rebellion and fully surrendered himself to the One Winged Angel.

_One Winged Angel…_

Was Sephiroth too, an incomplete being, then?

_Who am I?_

Kadaj stared back at his twin image, dark rage seething inside his skull, rushing in his veins, giving him strength and courage to kill the pain his existence was desperately holding onto. He could vaguely hear the urgent pounding on his door, Tifa's, Barret's and Cloud's desperate voices calling his name, dissipating in the discordance of the clone's silent laughter.

Not knowing what he was fighting, why he was fighting, Kadaj slammed his body into the clone, eager to put an end to this nightmare once and for all.

There was no easy way out of this, no way in fact, other than destroying himself. Indeed, he would rather die than lose control to Jenova's one and ultimate champion again…

_I would rather die than betray my own soul…_

And, together they crashed through the window, and plummeted down to the night-shaded street below, their voices merging in a cacophony of laughter and tears both, their hair a gleam of silver banner coalescing and flashing like a shooting star in the nocturnal darkness, their bodies intertwined in a deathly embrace, obscured beneath the rain of shattered glass, hitting the hard concrete ground with such force that the mind-rending pain was only a brief, momentary flicker of nothingness in the black void which claimed them both upon impact….

………………

"Silly bugger, if he wanted to kill himself, I would have done it for him gladly and free o'charge too. Look at this mess, there's bloody glass everywhere!" Barret was mumbling to himself in a quiet voice that had a strange, sorrowful tremble that startled his friends. With a shake of his head, he looked away when Vincent approached, his fist closed around the restore materia emitting a soft green glow. Tifa, tired and overwhelmed, leaned her head upon Cloud's shoulder as he looked on with a thoughtful, saddened expression.

"He's not dead, just unconscious." Vincent said, crouching beside the body of Kadaj lying motionless on the ground, checking his pulse again to make sure he was alive. "He's more resilient than I thought…In many ways." He added in a softer voice.

"He should have died." Tifa whispered, amazed at her sheer relief that he didn't.

"He should have died when I defeated Sephiroth, but Aeris saved him. She spared the life of her arch enemy." Cloud said slowly, staring at the Sephiroth avatar he had fought only a handful of days ago.

"Maybe it wasn't Aeris…" Vincent glanced up to the blonde man. Tifa stiffened at the vague, dubious remark. There was something wrong about all this, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.

"Just why would he want to kill himself anyway?" Yuffie asked with a troubled brown gaze searching everyone's faces. "I thought he liked it here."

"Man, this kid's more messed up than you, spikey, an that's sayin' somethin'." Barret sighed.

Cloud ignored the other man and inspected the youth for signs of struggle, but there was none. Something didn't add up…He had heard multiple voices coming from Kadaj's room, one that didn't belong to Kadaj, and to someone else entirely, someone he'd rather forget…

"But Aeris told me he deserved a second chance…She said he was to live…."

"Are you sure it was her, Cloud?" Vincent asked quietly, his face obscured by long black strands of hair. He laid a hand on Kadaj's sweat-dampened forehead. Cloud lapsed into silence.

"Hold on right there, just what the 'ell are you sayin' Vincent?" Barret looked suddenly apprehensive.

"Guys! He's coming to!"

"'Bout damn time! He's got some explainin' to do!"

………………….

Reno, for a change, was silent, and it didn't bode well in Rude's opinion. The two men paced down the deserted street, their breaths misting in the chilly night air. Apart from the occasional barking of stray dogs and low chatter of tramps in alleyways, the night was silent too.

"Where the hell is Tseng?" Reno grumbled dubiously.

"Last I saw him, he was getting a lecture from the President about Elena."

"When was that?"

"About a couple of days ago I suppose, I don't keep track of these things." Rude shrugged.

"You should."

"Well, it doesn't say in the contract that I should." Rude said in a mild voice.

"Anyone with common sense would." Reno countered harshly.

Apparently his partner was also in a foul mood, no wonder; after the fiasco at Seventh Heaven. Or maybe Reno had one too many jelly-shots. Perhaps they both had, Rude reflected, remembering the bizarre sight of Kadaj laughing and hurling himself through the window.

"Do you think he's dead?" Rude asked casually.

"I doubt it." Reno replied diffidently.

"I suppose we should see Rufus first thing in the morning."

"In the meantime, we'll go and visit our fellow Turk." Reno said.

"Who, Tseng?"

"No, Elena. Something stinks."

"As if she'd know." Rude snorted.

"As if she wouldn't!"

"Well she would have told us already."

"And we'll find out why she still hasn't." Reno said, keeping a brisk pace.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: You can tell I wrote this while listening to One Winged Angel. Darker themes and much angst for your reading pleasure! No cliffhanger for a change. Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer:Square Enix owns everything. **

"**This is the end of everything  
Rear the tragedies  
That the Seraphim shall sing"**

**-From Cradle To Enslave –COF**

Anxious, angry, curious faces surrounded him, watching him with deep wariness and concern, with the exception of Vincent with his pallid countenance a permanently fixed mask of icy composure.

Kadaj regarded them all with a remote, wintry green gaze, eerily vacant as it had been before. He didn't want anything to do with them, much less tell them of what had transpired within that brief time of the altercation with the clone. But Kadaj wanted answers…

"Where did he go?" He asked, lifting himself off the glass strewn ground with a swift, flowing grace.

"Who?" Yuffie was first to inquire, but Kadaj ignored her, slanting his sharp eyes toward the dark alleyways nearby. There was only emptiness, much like the cold grey-green irises that searched the dark expanse of the streets. But there was not a single trace of the clone's presence anywhere as far as Kadaj could tell.

Maybe he should keep this sordid secret to himself, for if indeed the Sephiroth clone had been a figment of his troubled imagination, then there was a good chance he was going quite insane; and he could do without announcing it to the whole world.

"Nevermind." He said, brushing glass fragments off his armoured trench and silvery-pale hair.

"What the hell did you think you were doin' you stupid little jackass?" Barret growled softly, his dark eyebrows furrowing into a stern frown.

Kadaj was unresponsive, staring into the crepuscular depths of the night, images of Sephiroth stamped across his mind.

If only Yazoo and Loz were with him; then confidence and courage would return to him, whole world his for the taking…

But such fancy was for fools; unless he found a way to bring back his brothers somehow…

Kadaj was quick to dismiss this notion as yet another sign of madness; but he was desperate to understand what exactly was expected of him… He was desperate to find a path that would define his existence once more like it did before.

On one hand, there was Cloud and his friends and the Planet; the sweet temptation of a normal, ordinary life like he had never had before; and on the other hand, Mother's legacy and Sephiroth's guiding wisdom and immense power drawing him to his knees in helpless supplication.

There was much to lose regardless of his decision. Despite Mother's cells still within him, he felt significantly weaker, and even if he willed himself under Sephiroth's control, he doubted his body could take the strain this time. No, this time he wouldn't survive…

_How did I survive in the first place…?_

Kadaj touched a supple pale hand to his temple as he began to remember it all…

To make things even more complicated than they already were; he did recall the face and voice of a beauteous young girl redolent with flowers; her gentle whisper of a fate that was reserved for him should he choose to give up his bond with the Mother…A fate unfettered by slavery.

He remembered her touching him through the ever-swirling, shimmering dimensions of the lifestream; reaching deep into his heart and purging him of the polluting, suffocating influence of Sephiroth's dark will, so he was free to choose for himself for once…

But he was not freed, only driven closer to Jenova's Champion.

And Kadaj too remembered, choosing life over death; solitude over unity with his dead brothers…He had been selfish, cowardly…Mother was displeased…

But she had not been able to reach out to him like the flower-girl. Was it because of the girl's sorcery or simply Mother's capricious inclination to ignore feeble-spirited and weak-willed creatures?

"Earth to Kadaj…Anyone home?!" Yuffie waved a hand across his eyes; drawing him out of his disturbing reverie.

He looked at her absently, his opaque green eyes murky with dark thoughts, drilling into her clear, candid brown ones with a keen intensity. He wanted to shake her and tell her he didn't give a damn if she died tomorrow, so why should she care about him?

He had no one but himself to blame. Didn't he bring it all on himself by behaving like a lost, gutless little crybaby? He had gotten himself entangled; now it was up to him to get himself out of this mess. Even Loz would have had more common sense than to accept any kindness from Strife and his warriors.

"What is it?" Kadaj asked, his head tilted haughtily, wishing Strife would just wipe that idiotic, melancholy look off his face and act like a man.

Cloud was looking at him hard, suspicion reflected in those blue eyes of his, no trace of softness upon that severe line of his lips pressed together in disapproval.

_That's more like it…_

Kadaj stared back in chilling serenity he had seen on Yazoo's stonily vacant face most of the time.

They had killed his brothers, why should he trust them now? He especially delighted in knowing Strife would be forced to take the blame should he turn on them; it was Strife who had had the most faith in him, he who had insisted they ally themselves with Sephiroth's only remnant.

Too bad; Kadaj thought, the blonde fool dug his own grave.

_You know that is untrue._

_They will always have faith in him, no matter what. Together these people have overcome the worst, and they can sure deal with failure and a little heartbreak. _

_Cloud can never disappoint them anymore because he already has in the past, and they now know how to deal with it._

_But you Kadaj, you have much to prove yet, and a long hard road ahead of you. You need not walk this road alone. Let them guide your steps into a world you have secretly longed for. _

_They will forgive you._

_Sephiroth would never forgive you, remember, because forgiveness is unique to human heart, and Sephiroth is no longer a human._

Go tell that to someone who cares, thought Kadaj, and the soft, sweet voice was stilled and silent at once, leaving him at the mercy of a selfish, powerful and aggressive entity seeking a way back into the physical plane.

"You are all fools. Mother might be gone, but Sephiroth is always there. He is everywhere, he knows and he sees. Mother lives through him, and he lives through me." Kadaj laughed harshly. "What makes you think I won't betray you when I seize the chance? Or are you really so dense?" Kadaj spoke softly with icy dispassion plain on his face that still bore the sharp-edged smile.

"You've got a death-wish, haven't you?" Yuffie shook her head, throwing an anxious glance at Barret, who was astonishingly stoic and silent. Either he was hanging around Vincent too much, or that he too, was aware of the sudden change in Kadaj's behaviour.

Cloud was composed, his strong arms crossed and an unreadable expression in his eyes.

"No, we're not dense, perhaps a little disappointed-"

"Speak for yerself spikey, that boy's got his head jammed up his arse and he needs a g-" Barret butted in gloomily, but Cloud held up a silencing hand.

"Let me finish, Barret." He said, looking straight into Kadaj's hideously sneering face.

Kadaj, I can understand what you're going through right now. Like I said, it's not easy, it will never be easy. If you stay with us, who knows, maybe it will be good for you. If you don't, then I can't force you, and it's a shame but I will not let this Planet die."

Vincent stood a few steps away from the group, watching the goings on with his impartial red eyes glowing softly. Tifa was looking at Cloud with an inscrutable expression. Yuffie was restlessly toying with a green materia that suspiciously looked familiar to Vincent, but he kept quiet about it for the moment.

"How gallant of you to say so. Pardon me if I don't stand in ovation of your heroic little speech." Kadaj said with a bored, disdainful smile.

"Cloud, stay away from him." Vincent warned, his gold clawed fingers curling into a fist, his other hand casually resting on Death Penalty. Yuffie, though disconcerted by the slightly edgy look creeping on Vincent's usually deadpan features, reached for her shuriken, uneasily watching Kadaj.

"No, Vincent. I will deal with this." Cloud said with grim resolution.

"You may kill me, but you will never be able to kill Sephiroth. You can't. He will come back, one way or the other; he will always come back. He will never be a memory." He finished darkly, his voice dipping to a deeper pitch.

"And I will always be right here, waiting for him." Cloud said, his eyes aglow with an unrelenting fierce light as he neared a step toward the remnant.

"Hey!" Yuffie was quick to correct the warrior. "Don't you mean we?!"

"Bloody oath he means we, ya little chucklehead!" Barret said with a glower.

"Planet's defenders; heroes of Midgar…" He said, his smile turning recalcitrant and vicious. "How pathetically charming." He knew he should refrain from provoking the group, but he was enjoying this, and he wanted more; increasingly annoyed at not being able to work Cloud into an aggravated state.

_Can you feel it now, Kadaj? _

_Can you feel the wretched tears of their fragile Planet on your lips? Is there a sweeter taste? Is there a greater pleasure than that of becoming despair itself? _

_Look at them, these ludicrous humans, clinging to a dead hope, begging you to reconsider, begging you to join their pathetic crusade._

_We are their gods, Kadaj. _

_You and I. _

The silent affirmation fuelled Kadaj's spirit, a quiet rage was stirring deep inside him, enfolding his hesitant young heart with black wings of hate and dark power. He felt the hot, searing current of Sephiroth's raging will fill his veins and set his soul alight with a vehement desire to kill.

His pupils were two black slits, the baneful green irises growing stormy and sharp as the Masamune blade. His ungloved fingers twitched, his whole body tingling with the surge of this dark strength returning to him with a maddening force. It shimmered with a silvery radiance about the young man, charging the air with its seething, violent intensity, the Jenova Avatar beginning to re-awaken within.

Vincent pulled out his three-barreled gun faster than Kadaj could even blink; prompting a grim Tifa to swiftly reach for her fighting gloves, while a scowling Barret and a distraught Yuffie prepared to attack as well.

Cloud was the only unarmed one besides Kadaj, but that did not seem to be a problem for him. To everyone's shock, he grabbed Kadaj's shoulders tightly, roughly, bending his head to his and speaking in urgent tones.

"Do not listen to his lies, Kadaj. Come back to us. Can you hear me? Come back, Kadaj!"

Barret opened his mouth in anger and astonishment, but Vincent put a finger to his lips and shook his head, silencing the big man. Yuffie nervously glanced at Tifa, noting the sadness and turmoil in her deep brown eyes as she watched Kadaj slipping away into a void of Sephiroth's design.

"Kadaj, remember what you told me! You're not Sephiroth's slave, remember? COME BACK!" Cloud cradled Kadaj's face between his hands, vehemently urging him to resist the alien supremacy fighting to take over.

Sweat glistened on Kadaj's face, his infer conflict starkly etching his taut face in agitated lines for all to see. Cloud's voice came from somewhere distant and far away, getting weaker by the second.

_Puppets we are all…_

_Jenova my vengeful mistress, magnificent in your cruelty, release me…_

_It hurts, Mother…_

_It hurts so much…_

Kadaj's hand flew to Cloud's bare throat, fingers slick with sweat clamping around his neck in a death grip no force could wrench loose. Soulless green eyes shimmered with murderous urge. Cloud struggled to breathe, desperately clawing at Kadaj's constricting hand.

_His sins are not yours, Kadaj. _

_You are free to claim your own destiny._

_You are not his plaything anymore._

_Come back to us…_

_Come back, Kadaj…_

Throwing his head back, Kadaj let out a scream of anguish to the nocturnal skies churning with the thunderous echo of a howling storm. As soon as he loosened his grasp on Cloud, Kadaj staggered back, and began to convulse, dropping to his knees and clutching his chest as if in pain. His shoulders twitched, the grey tinge lifting from his green eyes as he hid his face beneath the silver veil of his hair, his head buried in his unsheathed hands.

Cloud coughed convulsively, pain easing from his lungs as he took deep, rapid breaths. Thunder exploded in the lightning-streaked sky, but no rain fell.

Everyone was silent; each contemplating the meaning of this monumental moment.

Cloud knelt down, slipping his arms around Kadaj, and stroke the damp silver hair, resting his chin on top of his head. For a moment or so Kadaj remained stiff, trying to push him away, but Cloud only held him tighter.

Suddenly, Kadaj buried his head in Cloud's chest, squeezing his eyes shut as he took refuge in his comforting, shielding warmth, sobbing quietly, feeling grief turn to dust.

He was not alone...


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I was feeling a little depressed writing this chap, listening to Advent Children soundtrack, -Aeris's theme and One Winged Angel in particular- and getting a tad morbid, but I thought the story needed a little more angst-boost, so here it is ladies and gents, chapter nine. I hope it doesn't disappoint, and again, I seem to have successfully defeated the sneaky cliffhanger-monster too. And last but not least thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all champs!**

**Disclaimer: Square Enix owns everything. Duh.**

"**Sors immanis, Et inanis  
Noli manare, manare in memoria.  
Sephiroth, Sephiroth."**

"**Fate, monstrous and empty  
Refuse to remain, remain in memory.   
Sephiroth, Sephiroth."  
**

**-One Winged Angel-**

………………..

"**I want for nothing, I live for nothing  
I am waiting to die but I am afraid of dying…"**

**-Anathema "Crestfallen"**

………………….

Hours passed in the bitter company of solitude, silence draped room ill-lighted and cold. Green eyes only caught emptiness wherever they turned in penitence, a world of distortion and misery, a fate too hideous for words awaiting its failed thrall on a single broken black wing.

Hope was dead to his soul, as the Planet was dead to his sight, withered and torn, ever-widening cracks along its decayed surface filled with the putrescent reminders of his corruption, his bitter defeat, of ruined, failed Reunion.

Pain was his master now, useless tears long dried; fierce green eyes dulled and subdued to the ashen shade of perdition, his weak, plagued spirit torn and bleeding, bearing the scars of his ultimate betrayal.

Yet he felt nothing.

He was nothing.

Time did not lessen his suffering, the amber radiance of dawn outside his window did not touch the darkness of his room, and the song of birds on wind-swept trees did not penetrate the opaque silence in which he bled alone.

All alone, the hollow heart endured its infinite torment.

He only lay on the mattress, his arms at his sides, the black leather clad length of his lean body stiff, cold and pale like a cadaver ready for burial. He stared at the white blankness of the ceiling, fragmented images drifting across his deadened sight, gazing into the blank canvas of life and its deceitful beauty, visions ravaged by the wrath of the One Winged Angel.

The merry laughter of children playing outside somehow pierced this lightless prism and reached his ear, and he wondered….

He did not retain any memories of childhood with his brothers.

He had never been a child.

He had been denied everything except servitude in thrall of the Vengeful Angel and his Calamitous Goddess in search of the Promised Land.

No sound of laughter…There was only the wrathful song of the burning angel reverberating in his ear, burning all it touched except memories of a brief young life still clinging to the soft hand that sought to dispel the fear and taint from his heart.

He was burning…burning deep inside, wishing for death…

Death too a black angel that turned away from him in disgust…

…………………….

A shroud-like silence echoed all around in the house; but life went on in Seventh Heaven, Marlene and Denzel playing outside the front, customers as usual flocking to the bar, some to get a good drink or get a glimpse of the attractive tender, some to escape from their personal limbo, some to find a shelter, unaware of the sacrifices made to save the Planet.

Footsteps crept toward the room, a solemn Strife watched with his friends at his side, watching the remnant of a seraphic incarnation banished once more, by none other than the rebellious, wayward avatar himself, his burning despair transcending that of Sephiroth's far greater powers, sending him back in defeat to the flamed shores of perdition.

The weak little remnant they had doubted, and reviled had proved them wrong.

The little remnant had triumphed; all by himself, he had stood defiant, and defeated the silver-crowned angel.

Did Kadaj know the enormity of that moment he refused to bow down to Sephiroth and kill Cloud? Did he know the Planet would always remember his sacrifice?

But at what cost…

A soul was lost, dragged down into the madness and darkness of a fallen, semi-winged angel's stygian dominion.

Sephiroth had taken Kadaj with him.

Cloud knew this even as he had held Kadaj close to him upon that carpet of blood stained, shattered glass, pulling him into his tight embrace to shield him from Sephiroth's malice and anger.

He had known that Kadaj was gone, his mind shattered and deafened to all, his soul nothing but a desolate, hollow shadow slowly fading, waiting to disappear, waiting to die...

Maybe it was for the wrong reasons that Kadaj had refused to surrender to Sephiroth, but in the end the outcome was the same. Kadaj was left half-dead and life continued its usual course uninterrupted.

Cloud was furious and upset, his palm pressed to his frown-marred forehead, unable look at Kadaj, not willing to remember those hellish days in Mideel.

Sephiroth had been the last to laugh; knowing human heart and its weaknesses, its capacity to love and mourn for the loss of life. That's why he had not killed Kadaj, but instead had been satisfied with just leaving the empty shell behind like a cast away, tarnished trophy, the wounded soul his for the taking.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but…I think I actually feel sorry for him." Tifa spoke softly, her deep brown gaze locked on Kadaj's still shape, her hand reaching for Cloud's and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Damn yeah, the boy was trouble'n an emotional fruit basket'n all but hey… in the end…." Barret mumbled, his voice dissipating into forlorn silence, turning his back to the group to hide the rueful crease upon his brow.

Yuffie tilted her head down to glare at Nanaki, who was gently lashing her legs with his crimson furred tail in the hope of cheering up the sulky girl. She just sighed and looked over at Vincent. He must feel right at home in this morbid gloom, she thought, as his expression was only white emptiness, like the hard walls that surrounded them.

"He is still here." He said all of a sudden, drawing curious eyes to his direction.

"You mean Sephiroth???" Yuffie blinked.

"Kadaj…" Tifa said tremulously.

"Oh…" Yuffie pouted. "Then Sephiroth too…" She broke off sadly.

Vincent's eyes were cold and glassy, and for an instant Yuffie thought she saw the shadow of sorrow darken those unique, blood-tinted eyes, but was gone immediately.

"You guys get downstairs. I'll stay with him for a while." Cloud said.

"No, you go. I'll stay."

Blue eyes caught Tifa's in silence, then the blonde head nodded faintly, turning without a word to leave.

"We'll be downstairs if you need anything, just holler okay?" Yuffie smiled slightly, patting Tifa's bare, ribboned arm and followed the others down to the bar area.

Vincent stayed a moment longer, and took Tifa's hand in his larger one. Tifa flinched slightly; his touch was pure ice, but soft and comforting.

"One must not turn away from the dark in fear of the unknown. You might just find light in its blackest depths, and hope in the deadest heart of despair." Vincent's voice was softly pitched, and Tifa only recalled him speaking like this right after Aeris's death.

"You gotta get published, Vincent." Tifa teased, her lips stained with a half smile, waiting for some explanation. But Vincent offered none, and dropped her hand.

"Maybe I will do that." There was a faint, waning outline of a somber smile across his gaunt face as the dusky haired gunman turned around with a flourish of his crimson cape. "In the meantime, you make sure our friend doesn't turn from the dark." The enigmatic voice dissipated along with the soft footsteps toward the bar, and a puzzled Tifa wondered what Vincent exactly meant by those strange words.

It was impossible to try to understand him, but she was content with the small comfort his words brought.

Her eyes adjusting to the dimness, Tifa crossed the room and drew the curtains across the glassless window.

Yellow and white lilies were withering in their vase upon the table, waiting to be thrown away, the water to be changed for a new, fresh bouquet.

She walked toward the bed, pausing at the foot of it, peering at Kadaj.

Green eyes were open, staring listlessly, staring lifelessly up at the ceiling, all senses deteriorated and deadened to the world around him. The regal contours of his young face were frozen in terrible stillness, his otherworldly beauty muted by signs of weariness and suffering. He was still alive, though bound in chains of mind's paralysis.

Tifa quietly slid onto the bed next to him, resting her head onto his shoulder, smelling leather, smelling old blood, smelling memories...

Hours lost in mournful contemplation, hours squandered hating Sephiroth melted away, replaced by hours spent in prayer, a never-ending plight.

She didn't want him to die.

She didn't want him to fade with her spiteful, bitter words carved into his heart.

Tifa closed her eyes after a while, feeling shadows lengthen at the corners where daylight began to subside and night's black velvet advent to flow into the room.

Still rested the bleak hope, trapped in unseen captivity, lamenting for release…Soft fingers laced with rigid ones, coaxing warmth into the frost-cold skin in vain…

Unsure of her feelings, remnants of a tear perhaps salted her lip, dying and drying there like a droplet of spilled blood.

And her body nestled next to Kadaj, Tifa dreamed only of a ghost with radiant silver-spun hair flowing to his waist, standing over the fallen bodies and crushed flowers, forever vigilant and monstrously smiling in cruel victory…


End file.
